


(un)natural disasters

by butterflygoblins



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, Established Relationship, Everyone Is Gay, Gen, Getting Together, Nonbinary Akaashi Keiji, because its my fic and i can do what i want, everyone that is not a captain is just mentioned, formatting is homophobic, i have so many random kenma headcanons im sorry, if i cant spell neither can atsumu, kiyoko tobio and ennoshita are cousins, mentions of mitski, mentions of sally face, no one is cishet pass it on, nonbinary shirabu kenjirou, nonbinary yahaba shigeru, nsfw related jokes but no nsfw stuff happens, only semishira and kyouhabatari though, so yamamoto is the oldest in the group, the school year starts in feb, they/them pronouns for akaashi, this is MY fic and IM gonna project heavily on kenma and ennoshita!!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-16 16:35:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29085486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/butterflygoblins/pseuds/butterflygoblins
Summary: Terushima changed the chat name to we’re better than our senpaisShirabu: no tf we aren'tEnnoshita: way to have hope in us
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Aone Takanobu/Futakuchi Kenji, Ennoshita Chikara/Tanaka Ryuunosuke, Kozume Kenma/Yamamoto Taketora, Kyoutani Kentarou/Watari Shinji/Yahaba Shigeru, Misaki Hana/Terushima Yuuji, Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Comments: 5
Kudos: 67





	1. Chapter 1

****Terushima** **opened a new chat room!

 **Terushima** added **Shirabu** , **Ennoshita** , **Yahaba** , **Futakuchi** to the chat

 **Terushima** changed the chat name to  **we’re better than our senpais**

**_Shirabu_ ** **:** no tf we aren't

**_Ennoshita_ **: way to have hope in us

**_Terushima_ **: boooooo

**_Yahaba_ **: how the fuck did you get my my number

**_Terushima_ **: oikawa 

**_Yahaba:_ **fucking bastard

**_Yahaba_ **: dont tell him i said that

**_Terushima_ **: anyways hey shawtys i made this so we can talk about captain stuff and how to get oUR FUCKING TEAMMATES TO LISTEN TO US

**_Yahaba_ **: are you okay

**_Terushima:_ **no but runa is yelling at bobata for swearing at the first years and its fucking hysticrcal 

**_Shirabu_ **: shouldn't we add the tokyo captains

**_Futakuchi_ **: do we even know who they are

**_Ennoshita_ **: i have akaashis number so ill add him and ask

**_Ennoshita_ **: terushima give me admin challenge 

**Terushima** has given admin rights to 1 person 

**Ennoshita** added **Akaashi**

**_Ennoshita_ **; who the fuck is your captain

**_Akaashi_ **: why hello to you too ennoshita

**_Akaashi_ **: and im fukurodanis captain

**_Ennoshita:_ **oh

**_Yahaba:_ ** whos nekomas captain

**_Akaashi_ **: kenma and yamamoto

**_Terushima_ **: how tf are both of them captain????

**_Akaashi_ **: kuroo-san made kenma captain and yamamoto vice captain but kenma didn't want to take all the responsibility so yamamoto is his “co-captain” and fukunaga is an honorary vice

**_Terushima:_ ** thats

**_Yahaba_ **: ugh i wish i wasn't captain

**_Yahaba_ **: but kentarou as a captain would be a nightmare and shinji can't do it so

**_Futakuchi_ **: f lmao

**_Shirabu_ **: i hate to interrupt this but i just witnessed a fucking golden interaction and i need to share it with you all

**_Ennoshita_ **: please do

**_Shirabu_ **: so kawanishi goshiki and i were in the locker rooms getting changed and goshiki was crying about missing the past third years and kawanishi just looked at him and went “if you stop crying and get dressed ill buy you a cookie”

**_Shirabu:_** _and he actually stopped crying_

**_Ennoshita_ **: oh my fucking god

**_Terushima:_ **youre right thats amazing

**_Terushima_ **: okay shit i actually have captain stuff to do now so bye

**_Futakuchi_ **: shit me too

**_Futakuchi_ **: also shirabu tell goshiki koganewaga said hi

**_Shirabu_ ** **:** no

**_Ennoshita_ **: help the new second years wont shut the fuck up

**_Yahaba_ **: call me ill have kentarou yell at them for you

**_Ennoshita_ **: you are a lifesaver 

**_Akaashi_ **: i keep forgetting that were not the second years anymore

**_Ennoshita_ **: same and its making me sad

**_Ennoshita_ **: yahaba i love you marry me please

**_Yahaba_ **: dont get me wrong you're a total catch but i dont need another boyfriend

**_Ennoshita_ **: fair enough

**_Ennoshita_ **: okay bye i have shit to do

**_Yahaba_ ** : **_@everyone_ ** after practices were all gossiping

**_Akaashi_ **: aye aye captain

-

**we’re better than our senpais**

**5:44pm**

**_Terushima_ **: hey bhaddies

**_Ennoshita_ **: perish

**_Terushima_ **: fucking r00d

**_Terushima:_ **neways who did yall pick for vices

**_Akaashi_ **: wait don't answer that yet

**Akaashi** added **Kozume, Yamamoto,** and **Miya**

**Miya** changed their name to **Atsumu**

**_Akaashi_ **: proceed

**_Shirabu:_ **kawanishi 

**_Yahaba_ **: kentarou

**_Terushima_ **: didnt have to think too hard about that huh ;)

**_Yahaba_ **: i mean we only have 3 third years and shinji can't be a vice so

**_Shirabu_ **: we have one other third year and i sure as hell am not choosing goshiki he's already gonna be captain next year

**_Terushima_ **: damn

**_Terushima:_ ** anyways i chose bobata

**_Kozume_ **: technically tora but yknow

**_Akaashi_ **: onaga because there are no other third years 

**_Yamamoto_ **: its me im the vice

**_Kozume_ **: lmao loser

**_Yamamoto_ **: KENMA??!?!?!??!

**_Futakuchi_ **: .

**_Futakuchi:_ **moving on i chose aone

**_Ennoshita_ **: i had no control over this but tanaka

**_Yamamoto_ **: how did you not have control over who you picked as ur vice???

**_Ennoshita_ **: the other third years (not noya obviously) flipped a coin and tanaka won

**_Atsumu:_ ** sjsjdkjsalkljd

**_Atsumu_ **: anyways i do not know who i am choosing yet :D

**_Ennoshita_ **: you're not choosing osamu?

**_Atsumu:_ ** i was going too but were in a massive fight rn so

**_Ennoshita_ **: ah

 **_Terushima_ **: well did anything interesting happen during practice

**_Ennoshita_ **: suga and daichi came in bc they were in the neighborhood so we got like nothing done

**_Ennoshita_ **: oh and noya ALREADY has a week of cleaning duty and two weeks of laps

**_Ennoshita:_ ** hinata cried when he saw the old third years too

**_Shirabu_ **: how the fuck did noya already get cleaning duty what

**_Ennoshita_ **: so i was telling the team stuff and i said “im only gonna explain this once so listen carefully” and nishinoya fucking said “well were all only gonna listen once so maybe you should explain carefully”

**_Yamamoto_ **: holy shit

**_Ennoshita_ **: now the first years are scared of me because i yelled at noya for a solid 3 minutes 

**_Atsumu_ **: i mean as you should

**_Shirabu:_ ** we got fucking 6 new first years plus a new manager ugh

**_Atsumu_ **: god damn

**_Yahaba_ **: one of our first years got a message saying his grandma died ten minutes into practice

**_Akaashi_ **: what???

**_Shirabu_ **: i should NOT be laughing

**_Yahaba_ **: no its okay it was a false alarm

**_Kozume_ **: now how did that convo go

**_Yahaba_ **:

Sato (new first year): hey uhh my grandma died

Kunimi: your grandma what now

Sato: nevermind it was a false alarm shes alive

Kindaichi: how the fuck do you accidentally think your grandma died

**_Yahaba_ **: then i had to yell at kindaichi for swearing

**_Terushima_ **: thats fucking wonderful

**_Ennoshita_ **: also rip shirabu we only got 2 first years

**_Shirabu_ **: well i mean most of our team last year was third years so i can't complain unless i only wanted a setter a blocker and an ace

**_Akaashi_ **: we also got like 5 first years

**_Kozume_ **: we got three and a manager

**_Yamamoto_ **: one of the first years called lev ugly and it was the funniest thing i've ever seen

**_Kozume_ **: okay true but we cant say that

**_Yamamoto_ **: kuroo bullied lev all the time though??

**_Kozume_ **: We Are Better Than Him

**_Futakuchi_ **: im scared??

**_Kozume_ **: good

**_Atsumu_ **: sunarin threw a flip flop at me 

**_Ennoshita_ **: you probably deserved it

**_Atsumu_ **: this is homophobic

**_Yahaba_ ** : unrelated but why were we given homework on the first fucking day like [ file attached ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fi.pinimg.com%2F736x%2F82%2F1f%2Fd4%2F821fd47786cd7d035c55f8d1257a97b0.jpg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fbr.pinterest.com%2Fpin%2F577586720955946605%2F&tbnid=zPsVlgHsGn_D_M&vet=12ahUKEwi7n_f1zcHuAhVBT1MKHdZoBVQQMygdegUIARDlAQ..i&docid=CwRhU8vYbhDOnM&w=640&h=640&q=edited%20facebook%20memes&safe=strict&ved=2ahUKEwi7n_f1zcHuAhVBT1MKHdZoBVQQMygdegUIARDlAQ)

**_Futakuchi:_ ** HELP

**_Kozume_ **: GOODBYE

**_Shirabu_ **: STOP THAT CALLED ME OUT I HATE YOU

**_Akaashi_ **: do you need any help? I'd be willing to facetime you and help if you need it.

**_Yahaba_ **: wait actually? do you have skype?

**_Akaashi:_ ** yes, its akeiji

**_Terushima_ **: wait i know im in a higher class than yall but can i join i have no clue what im doing rn

**_Kozume_ **: oh me too please

**_Yamamoto_ **: ^

**_Futakuchi:_ **^^

**_Atsumu_ **: ^^^

**_Shirabu_ **: ^^^^ im fucking begging

**_Ennoshita_ **: ^^^^^

**_Akaashi_ **: okay yes you all can join. what are your skypes? ill make a group

**_Yahaba_ **: mines yahahaba

**_Shirabu_ **: skenjirou

**_Atsumu_ **: thesettermiya

**_Shirabu_ **: ??

**_Atsumu_ **: samu set up his account first and he took thebettermiya so i chose thesettermiya bc volleyball

**_Shirabu_ **: oh thats cool

**_Atsumu_ **: :D

**_Futakuchi:_** mines footcoochie

**_Ennoshita_ **: w h y

**_Futakuchi_ **: I WAS 14 OKAY

**_Ennoshita_ **: anyways mines ennodonewithyourshita

**_Kozume_ **: kodzuken

**_Yamamoto_ **: toratoratiger pls don't ask my sister chose it when she was like 9

**_Kozume_ **: aw it's cute

**_Yamamoto_ **: GJYFGHFJGYJF

**_Ennoshita:_ ** blinks

**_Ennoshita_ **: so tanaka was right

**_Yamamoto_ **: shut the fuck up

**_Kozume_ **: ??

**_Yamamoto_ **: NOTHING KENMA!!!!

**_Terushima_ **: hi sorry i was making food but mines minecraftcoolboi69

**_Atsumu_ **: HAHSHAHSHA

**_Futakuchi_ **: THAT'S WORSE THAN MINE GN

**_Terushima_ **: I WAS T E N 

**_Akaashi_ **: okay im starting the call

-

**we’re better than our senpais**

**8:57pm**

**_Shirabu:_ ** akaashi you’re a fucking lifesaver thank you so much

**_Yahaba_ **: yes i rlly understand this shit now

**_Akaashi_ **: it's no problem, i'm glad i could help

**_Yamamoto_ **: ALSO kenma it was nice to see kuroo again!

**_Kozume:_ ** he said it was nice to see you too

**_Terushima_ **: akaashi i am on one knee proposing

**_Akaashi_ ** : [ file attached ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fi.pinimg.com%2Foriginals%2F65%2F17%2Fc5%2F6517c5cc2178dcb8409ec67e5794abe8.png&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.pinterest.com%2Fpin%2F366691594666441633%2F&tbnid=GqXWKKGBPFJQXM&vet=12ahUKEwji7_nj78HuAhV08VMKHeL0DF4QMygBegQIARAq..i&docid=zowTQVboNdC_9M&w=1000&h=764&q=badly%20edited%20facebook%20memes&hl=en&safe=strict&ved=2ahUKEwji7_nj78HuAhV08VMKHeL0DF4QMygBegQIARAq)

**_Kozume_ **: AKAASHI

**_Terushima_ **: DO I LOOK STRAIGHT?1?1!????1

**_Yahaba_ **: is that a trick question

**_Terushima_ **: NO BC THE ANSWER SHOULD BE NO 

**_Terushima:_** I AM IN NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM HETROSEXUAL  
  


**_Terushima:_ ** [ file attached ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fi.pinimg.com%2Foriginals%2F74%2F47%2F63%2F744763f56ac654bf64e5747575085208.jpg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fro.pinterest.com%2Fttrashc0re%2Fbadly-edited-facebook-memes%2F&tbnid=dDNr7J5xJn2m0M&vet=12ahUKEwibncf58MHuAhUB0FMKHTUSClcQMygEegUIARCuAQ..i&docid=BxBepHMPxY7uNM&w=1080&h=962&q=%20edited%20facebook%20memes&hl=en&safe=strict&ved=2ahUKEwibncf58MHuAhUB0FMKHTUSClcQMygEegUIARCuAQ)

**_Terushima_ **: well pansexual but still

**_Akaashi_ **: im sorry??

**_Terushima:_ **u should be

**_Akaashi_ **: anyone else not hetrosexual? I would like to avoid another situation like this

**_Futakuchi_ **: i heard not hetrosexual

**_Futakuchi_ **: i have the big bisexual

**_Atsumu_ **: twins

**_Yamamoto_ **: damn me too

**_Shirabu:_ **im gay

**_Yahaba_ **: you literally have a gf what??

**_Shirabu_ **: ugh i hate explaining this

**_Shirabu:_ ** okay so my s/o uses he/she/they pronouns so i alternate between saying boyfriend girlfriend and s/o but he likes it when i call them my girlfriend and shes cute when shes excited so

**_Kozume_ ** : [ file attached ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fi.imgflip.com%2F4%2F4tpk7u.jpg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fimgflip.com%2Fmemesearch%3Fq%3Darthur%26page%3D4&tbnid=UHH0VOa3Xnwd7M&vet=12ahUKEwiz4Jv3hMLuAhXUMlMKHWtJAacQMygAegUIARCEAQ..i&docid=8s_sTJ2VFDyWKM&w=250&h=159&q=simp%20meme&hl=en&safe=strict&ved=2ahUKEwiz4Jv3hMLuAhXUMlMKHWtJAacQMygAegUIARCEAQ)

**_Shirabu_ **: FUCK YOU

**_Yahaba_ **: IM GONNA PISS UR SO RIGHT

**_Yahaba:_ **on his instagram story he's always posting pics of them holding hands or videos of them laughing and its very cute and makes me feel single

**_Ennoshita_ **: dont u have a bf

**_Yahaba:_ **actually i have two 

**_Yamamoto_ **: FUCK YOU I CANT EVEN GET ONE

**_Ennoshita_ **: maybe if you asked out oomf

**_Yamamoto_ **: tell tanaka you guys cant be friends anymore ur a traitor

**_Kozume_ **: ? tora you like someone?

**_Yamamoto_ ** : WHATS IT TO YOU????

  
  
**_Kozume_ **: i was just wondering jeez

**_Yamamoto_ **: OH SORRY KENMA

**_Akaashi_ **: oh hes hopeless

**_Kozume_ **: akaashi shut the fuck up challange 

**_Ennoshita_ **: are they really that blind

**_Akaashi_ **: its been like this since halfway through first year

**_Ennoshita_ **: yikes

**_Ennoshita_ **: anyways im gay

**_Ennoshita_ **: this probably sounds stupid but like please dont tell anyone im literally out to two other people

**_Shirabu_ **: fuck goshiki was reading over my shoulder

**_Shirabu_ **: he is the gayest person i know though and hes sworn to secrecy 

**_Ennoshita_ **: okay cool cool

**_Yahaba_ **: men

**_Terushima_ **: good answer!!

**_Kozume_ **: akaashis crush on bokuto is answer enough

**_Akaashis_ **: kenmas crush on kuroo-san in first year is answer enough

**_Kozume:_ ** [file attached](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fi.pinimg.com%2F564x%2Fc2%2F38%2F38%2Fc2383805a5dc851f0ad087da995ec315.jpg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.pinterest.com%2Fpin%2F840132505484812300%2F&tbnid=4VIY82xZWU3NtM&vet=12ahUKEwib_vm98cPuAhWTkVkKHcOBCyQQMygZegUIARDaAQ..i&docid=cho62hul8XejEM&w=563&h=439&q=facebook%20meme%20pinterest&ved=2ahUKEwib_vm98cPuAhWTkVkKHcOBCyQQMygZegUIARDaAQ)

**_Terushima_ **: H EL P

**_Shirabu_ ** : that's enough of _this_ convo

**_Shirabu_ **: everyone go to bed we have school tomorrow

**_Yahaba_ **: dont remind me bitch

**_Futakuchi_ **: terushima facetime me i dont want to sleep

**_Terushima_ **: bet

**_Terushima_ **: goodnight sexies have very pleasant wet dreams

**_Akaashi_ **: why does god hate me


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Futakuchi: what the fuck just happened
> 
> Kozume: sometimes you need to send mitski lyrics to your groupchat as a way to cry about missing the guy ur in love with
> 
> Akaashi: wait its that obvious i like bokuto-san

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi, there are some mentions of a character getting into a car crash in the chapter, no one gets seriously hurt.
> 
> also there are some jokes about death, but again its nothing too bad nkjnnans

**_we’re better than our senpais_ **

**_11:23am_ **

**_Akaashi:_ ** My baby, my baby

You're my baby, say it to me

Baby, my baby

Tell your baby that I'm your baby

I bet on losing dogs

I know they're losing and I'll pay for my place

By the ring

Where I'll be looking in their eyes when they're down

I'll be there on their side

I'm losing by their side

Will you let me, baby, lose

On losing dogs

I know they're losing and I'll pay for my place

By the ring

Where I'll be looking in their eyes when they're down

I wanna feel it

I bet on losing dogs

I always want you when I'm finally fine

How you kneel over me looking in my eyes when I come

Someone to watch me die

Someone to watch me die

I bet on losing dogs

**_Kozume:_ ** you good

**_Shirabu_ ** : do you need to talk

**_Akaashi:_ ** i miss bokuto-san

**_Akaashi_ ** : like a lot

**_Shirabu:_ ** mood

**_Shirabu_ ** : well i don't miss bokuto because i've literally only met him once but i miss our third years so much

**_Kozume_ ** : same

**_Yahaba_ ** : oh fuck me too

**_Akaashi_ ** : alright im good

**_Futakuchi_ ** : what the fuck just happened

**_Kozume_ ** : sometimes you need to send mitski lyrics to your groupchat as a way to cry about missing the guy ur in love with

**_Akaashi_ ** : wait its that obvious i like bokuto-san

**_Yahaba_ ** : are you implying you tried to hide it??

**_Akaashi_ ** : yes??

**_Kozume_ ** : kaashi i hate to tell you this but everyone and their mother knows you like him

**_Yamamoto:_ ** yeah practice matches were always weird you would look at each other with heart eyes

**_Akaashi_ ** :  [ file attached ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fnyc3.digitaloceanspaces.com%2Fmemecreator-cdn%2Fmedia%2F__processed__%2F1ed%2Ftemplate-guess-ill-die-900-0c6db91aec9c.jpeg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fmeme-creator.com%2Fmeme%2F38784803%2Fguess-ill-die&tbnid=qnDM3kBfh9igKM&vet=12ahUKEwinjL350svuAhUNbTABHR9pCvoQMygAegUIARClAQ..i&docid=ohskDSl6slQcOM&w=384&h=313&q=guess%20ill%20die%20meme&hl=en&safe=strict&ved=2ahUKEwinjL350svuAhUNbTABHR9pCvoQMygAegUIARClAQ)

**_Yahaba_ ** : LMAO

**_Shirabu_ ** : HBJHBKBJKB

**_Futakuchi:_ ** AKAASHI

**_Akaashi_ ** : oh god do you think bokuto-san knows

**_Kozume_ ** : that man is as blind as a bat so no

**_Yamamoto_ ** : njlndkjns

**_Ennoshita_ ** : you cant talk yamamoto

**_Yamamoto_ ** : fucking perish

**_Kozume_ ** : tora no

**_Yamamoto_ ** : tora yes

**_Akaashi_ ** : kenma you act like youre not a total simp as well

**_Kozume_ ** : motherfucker

**_Ennoshita_ ** : akaashi nice kill

**_Kozume_ ** :  What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.

**_Yamamoto_ ** : OH MY GOD

**_Akaashi_ ** : Did you just think that you could fucking fool me with that comment of yours? I've searched your name up in the Navy SEAL database and you have never even graduated BUD/S, hell, even served in the Armed Forces. If you were actually a Navy SEAL, then you actually know how to spell guerrilla, you fucking moron. And you say you are the top sniper in the entire US Armed Forces and have over 300 confirmed kills. If that were true, then why the fuck is Chris Kyle a household name and you aren't? And plus he only had 160 kills. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. Plus why the fuck would you say you have a secret network of spies yet you just revealed that you had your secret network of spies? Are you a fucking idiot? If you can kill someone seven-hundred different ways, then list them all, I bet you can't even come up with seven. And if you had access to the entire US Marine Corps arsenal, then why the fuck did you just say you were in the Navy SEALs earlier? If only you could have done your research prior to posting your little “clever” comment, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you goddamn idiot.

**_Futakuchi_ ** : GVYJHFCTHGCTJG

  
**_Ennoshita_ ** : oh my fucking god 

**_Terushima_ ** : im in tears like im actually in tears

**_Kozume_ ** : akaashi pull up @ nekoma and fucking fist fight me

**_Akaashi_ ** : i'll be there at 3

**_Yamamoto_ ** : ill record

**_Atsumu_ ** : i literally can't breate

**_Atsumu_ ** : bretahe

**_Atsumu_ ** : beratheg

**_Atsumu_ ** : bethesda

**_Ennoshita_ ** : how the fuck

**_Futakuchi_ ** : take your time

**_Atsumu_ ** : BREATHE

**_Futakuchi_ ** : yay !!

**_Shirabu_ ** : aren't you guys all supposed to be in class

**_Ennoshita_ ** : lunch

**_Futakuchi_ ** : i finished my work so

**_Akaashi:_ ** ^

**_Kozume_ ** : tora and i are at lunch

**_Atsumu_ ** : im at lunch too

**_Terushima_ ** : im in gym lmao

**_Ennoshita_ ** : aren't  _ you _ supposed to be in class

**_Shirabu_ ** : taichi goshiki and i are going to walmart

**_Ennoshita_ ** : why?

**_Shirabu_ ** : taichi and i have n o food in our dorm and goshiki wants to tag along because hes gay for taichi

**_Shirabu_ ** : also its lunch time so we can leave

**_Terushima_ ** : lucky

**_Kozume_ ** : did yahaba die

**_Yahaba_ ** : no i was at lunch

**_Shirabu_ ** _ :  _ ew why would you talk to people at lunch

**_Yahaba_ ** : i hardly see shinji and kentarou outside of practice and i want time with my boyfriends goddamnit

**_Shirabu_ ** **:** gross

**_Yahaba_ ** : you're jealous that ur gf doesnt go to ur school

**_Shirabu_ ** : fuck you its not my fault eita went to college

**_Shirabu_ ** : wait

**_Shirabu_ ** : WAIT

**_Yahaba_ ** : YOU'RE DATING SEMI???

**_Shirabu:_ ** FUCK 

**_Shirabu_ ** : SHUT UPBHJVUYJHVGHRXFTHMN   
  


**_Kozume_ ** : what

**_Shirabu_ ** : we just got into a fucking car crash oh my god

**_Yahaba_ ** : oh shit are you guys okay

**_Shirabu_ ** : goshiki banged his head on the dashboard but i dont think his hit his head that hard

**_Akaashi_ ** : what happened??

**_Shirabu_ ** : so taichi was driving, goshiki was in the front seat and i was in the back

**_Shirabu_ ** : anyways taichi and goshiki were planning a date or whatever and i was texting you guys and someone hit the guy behind us and the guy behind us hit us.

**_Shirabu_ ** : shit goshiki is bleeding

**_Kozume_ ** : oh my god

**_Ennoshita:_ ** need me to call 119?

**_Shirabu_ ** : no the guy who hit us is calling the cops

**_Shirabu_ ** : thanks tho

**_Futakuchi_ ** : oh god

**_Terushima_ ** : shit dude

**_Shirabu_ ** : okay bye im gonna have to call eita and my parents

**_Yamamoto_ ** : I hope everythings okay!

**_Shirabu_ ** : thanks

**_Yahaba_ ** : how did we go from akaashi sending mitski lyrics to shirabu dating semi to shirabu getting into a car crash

**_Ennoshita_ ** : no clue

**_Terushima_ ** : fuck my phones getting taken away

**_Kozume_ ** : lets talk later

**_Ennoshita:_ ** after practice?

**_Kozume_ ** : sure

-

**_we’re better than our senpais_ **

**_5:47 pm_ **

**_Shirabu_ ** : titty titty ass

**_Ennoshita_ ** : hes alive!

**_Kozume:_ ** i think he was mugged

**_Shirabu_ ** : taichi stole my phone

**_Yahaba_ ** : is goshiki dead

**_Shirabu_ ** : sadly no

**_Terushima_ ** : are u good

**_Shirabu:_ ** yeah actually

**_Shirabu_ ** : no one got hurt aside from goshiki and his bloody nose

**_Shirabu_ ** : and taichis car is fine

**_Shirabu_ ** : but coach is making us cancel practice for the rest of the week and all of next week

**_Akaashi_ ** : rip

**_Yamamoto_ ** : well its better than being dead?

**_Shirabu_ ** : definitely better

**_Yahaba_ ** : yeah bubu wouldn't wanna leave his s/o

**_Yahaba_ ** : speaking of which

**_Shirabu_ ** : kill yourself

**_Akaashi:_ ** woah

**_Shirabu_ ** : ok that was kinda harsh

**_Shirabu_ ** : delete your account**

**_Shirabu_ ** : sorry

**_Yahaba_ ** : nah its good i know you're not serious

**_Kozume_ ** : anything interesting happen at practice

**_Terushima_ ** : misaki came in so me her runa and bobata got dinner which was fun

**_Yahaba_ ** : oh god oikawa came in today and in the span of 10 minutes he made 7 dick jokes, made out with iwaizumi twice, kicked kindaichi, and started flirting with one of our first years

**_Kozume_ ** : jesus fuck

**_Akaashi_ ** : bokuto koutarou??*jaw drops to floor, eyes pop out of sockets accompanied by trumpets, heart beats out of chest, awooga awooga sound effect, pulls chain on train whistle that has appeared next to head as steam blows out, slams fists on table, rattling any plates, bowls or silverware, whistles loudly, fireworks shoot from top of head, pants loudly as tongue hangs out of mouth, wipes comically large bead of sweat from forehead, clears throat, straightens tie, combs hair* Ahem, you look very lovely.

**_Akaashi_ ** : sorry, konoha-san stole my phone

**_Ennoshita_ ** : VSDHFFJGAK

**_Yahaba_ ** : these bitches gay!! good for them!!

**_Futakuchi_ ** : HELP

  
**_Akaashi_ ** : i am ending this conversation goodnight everyone!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the car crash thing actually happened to me (last week) so. yeah
> 
> anyways yeah kawagoshi rights my friends


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kozume: im stuck on this fuvkijng puzzle i vant do this im sobning over lsrry rn im gonna kms i am so tied
> 
> Terushima: which one?
> 
> Kozume: the cosde to todd's room. i awlays geyt stuck on thos one
> 
> Yamamoto: its 403 5364
> 
> Kozume: i'm in love with you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can pry kiyoko ennoshita and tobio being cousins from my cold dead hands

**_we’re better than our senpais_ **

**_5:57pm_ **

**_Shirabu_ ** :  **_@everyone_ ** fuckers what are your pronouns

**_Atsumu:_ ** he/him why do you ask

**_Shirabu_ ** : goshiki came out (yes i have their permission to tell you) and i remembered i have no clue what ur pronouns are so

**_Atsumu_ ** : oh sweet

**_Atsumu_ ** : congrats to them

**_Akaashi_ ** : they/them

**_Kozume_ ** : he/they i really don't really care 

**_Yamamoto:_ ** they/he

**_Ennoshita_ ** : he/they

**_Yahaba_ ** : he/they

**_Terushima_ ** : idk but you can call me your/man ;)

**_Futakuchi_ ** : what the fuck is a pronoun

**_Kozume_ ** : two of these are not like the rest

**_Shirabu_ ** : terushima i'm gonna kick your ass

**_Terushima_ ** : I WAS KIDDING my pronouns are he/they :P

**_Futakuchi_ ** : OH WAIT I KNOW WHAT YOURE TALKING ABOUT

**_Futakuchi_ ** : he/him :>

**_Shirabu_ ** : k cool

**_Shirabu_ ** : mine are they/he

**_Kozume_ ** : now we know futakuchi and atsumu are the weakest links in this chat

**_Atsumu_ ** : hey wait 

**_Futakuchi_ ** : lmao true 

**_Atsumu_ ** : actually that's fair

**_Kozume_ ** : fuck cis men all my homies hate cis men

**_Yamamoto_ ** : kenma you are a cis man

**_Kozume_ ** : very bold of you to assume i don't hate myself tora

-

**_we’re better than our senpais_ **

**_12:00am_ **

**_Kozume_ ** : tora day 

**_Ennoshita_ ** : what

**_Kozume_ ** : tora day 

**_Akaashi_ ** : happy birthday yamamoto!

**_Ennoshita_ ** : oh shit birth

**_Yahaba_ ** : happy birthday !!

**_Terushima_ ** : happy

**_Futakuchi_ ** : birthday

**_Shirabu_ ** : old bitch

**_Yamamoto_ ** : IM 18 EXCUSE YOU

**_Kozume_ ** : okay yeah happy birthday tora im gonna go replay sally face for the eighth time this month

**_Yamamoto_ ** : glad to know i'm important

-

**_we’re better than our senpais_ **

**_3:42 am_ **

  
  


**_Ennoshita_ ** : guys help i think im being robbed????

**_Ennoshita_ ** : ok wait it's just my brother

**_Ennoshita_ ** : NO ITS NOT NO ITS NOT HELP

**_Ennoshita_ ** : if i die tell tanaka im in love with him and tell noya she's captain

**_Atsumu_ ** : liberos cant be captains???

**_Yahaba_ ** : actually they can now ?? Its wack 

**_Atsumu_ ** : oh cool

**_Ennoshita_ ** : WHY IS TOBIO ON MY FRIDGE??????

**_Ennoshita_ ** : HIS EMO ASS IS BLASTING MCR AT 3AM HOW DID HE GET INTO MY HOUSE

**_Kozume:_ ** kageyama??

**_Yahaba_ ** : wait why are yall on a first name basis

**_Futakuchi_ ** : bae sis

**_Terushima_ ** : omg shawty bae u gonna make me act up 

**_Shirabu_ ** : die

**_Ennoshita_ ** : mf threw milk at me

**_Ennoshita:_ ** also were cousins lmao

**_Ennoshita_ ** : i have so much blackmail on this kid he's dead

**_Yamamoto_ ** : do share

**_Ennoshita_ ** : he had a huge crush on hinata in his first year lol

**_Akaashi_ ** : why are you all awake its 3am??

**_Akaashi_ ** : oh. i see

**_Kozume_ ** : im stuck on this fuvkijng puzzle i vant do this im sobning over lsrry rn im gonna kms i am so tied

**_Terushima_ ** : which one?

**_Kozume_ ** : the cosde to todd's room. i awlays geyt stuck on thos one

**_Yamamoto_ ** : its  403 5364

**_Kozume_ ** : i'm in love with you

**_Akaashi_ ** : JJNALJNDJNSN

**_Ennoshita_ ** : OH MY FUCKING GOD

**_Yamamoto_ ** : oh 

**_Shirabu_ ** : this is gonna be fun when he actually gets some sleep

**_Yahaba_ ** : ennoshita hows ur robbery

**_Ennoshita_ ** : im curretny laughing my ass off while my brother eats chips and tobio 

**_Ennoshita_ ** : why is tobio on facetime with kiyoko

**_Ennoshita_ ** : family reunion ig

**_Yahaba_ ** : jesus how many people on your team are you related to

**_Ennoshita_ ** : literally just kiyoko and tobio

**_Shirabu_ ** : rip

**_Ennoshita_ ** : okay bye tobio started talking about kunimi i cant do this rn goodnight

**_Akaashi_ ** : goodnight ennoshita

**_Shirabu_ ** : night

-

**_we’re better than our senpais_ **

**_7:45 am_ **

**_Kozume_ ** : why do i do the things i do

**_Akaashi:_ ** HSJSKLJAKNSSN

**_Shirabu_ ** : kenma you good

**_Kozume_ ** : NO

**_Kozume_ ** : tora i am very sorry i clearly was not thinking

**_Yamamoto:_ ** lmao its okay

**_Kozume_ ** : okay great swag

-

**_we’re better than our senpais_ **

**_11:22 am_ **

  
  


**_Ennoshita_ ** : Don't kill me

Just help me run away

From everyone

I need a place to stay

Where I can cover up my face

Don't cry

I am just a freak

I am just a freak

I am just a freak

I am just a freak

My head is filled with parasites

Black holes cover up my eyes

I dream of you almost every night

Hopefully I won't wake up this time

I won't wake up this time

I won't wake up this time

I won't wake up this time

**_Terushima_ ** : ayo??

**_Ennoshita_ ** : someone asked me out today hhhh

**_Kozume_ ** : and thats a problem because?

**_Ennoshita_ ** : i'm hopelessly in love with tanaka BUT i really liked this guy back in my first year so i said yes

**_Ennoshita_ ** : its about time i got over tanaka anyways hsjsksk

**_Yahaba_ ** : ah well congrats ?

**_Shirabu_ ** : welcome to the ‘we have some of our shit together’

**_Atsumu_ ** : wait now that yamamoto is an Adult can he buy us drugs

**_Atsumu_ ** : that was. that was awful timing

**_Yamamoto_ ** : NBSJHBSHJBAJH

**_Terushima_ ** : HELP

**_Futakuchi_ ** : IMJBJKSBJMB

**_Ennoshita_ ** : BAKJGSBKJBJ

**_Yamamoto:_ ** anyways no i cannot we would get kicked about of vb

**_Atsumu_ ** : damn

-

**_we’re better than our senpais_ **

**_7:35 pm_ **

**_Akaashi_ ** : what are songs you would gatekeep if you were mean

**_Shirabu_ ** : heathers by surf curse

**_Ennoshita_ ** : ill die anyway - girl in red

**_Kozume_ ** : east of eden by zella day 

**_Atsumu_ ** : i go crazy by orla gartland 

**_Yahaba_ ** : any ‘unpopular’ mitski song

**_Futakuchi:_ ** sukidakara - umi

**_Terushima_ ** : anything by between friends or surf curse

**_Yamamoto:_ ** so strange by polyphia and cuco

**_Akaashi_ ** : thank you

**_Kozume_ ** : you all have taste holy fuck

**_Ennoshita_ ** : i like how all of us are japanese but futakuchi is the only one who didn't put a song thats all in english

**_Shirabu_ ** : terushima this is the only time i'm ever gonna agree with you on anything but goddamn you have taste

**_Terushima_ ** : i agree

**_Akaashi_ ** : kenma did you just choose east of eden because of those sally face tik toks

**_Kozume_ ** : .

**_Kozume_ ** : SALLY FACE HAS BEEN MY BIGGEST HYPERFIXATION FOR OVER TWO YEARS YOU LITERALLY CAN'T BULLY ME FOR IT

**_Ennoshita_ ** : that's the most amount of emotion i've heard from kenma in years

**_Akaashi:_ ** same

**_Akaashi_ ** : anyways sorry if i upset you kenma

**_Kozume_ ** : oh no you're good i'm not actually mad sshjhakh

**_Atsumu_ ** : why do none of yall act this way irl

**_Shirabu_ ** : we have images to uphold idiot 

**_Atsumu_ ** : bitch

**_Futakuchi_ ** : the girlies are fighting

**_Shirabu:_ ** bite me

-

**_we’re better than our senpais_ **

**_11:13 pm_ **

**_Akaashi_ ** : yamamoto i forgot to ask, how was your birthday?

**_Yamamoto_ ** : it was good! kenma threw a cupcake at me

**_Kozume_ ** : and id do it again bap bap bap

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact as i am posting this i am sobbing over atsuhina nbkjjkkjds help
> 
> anyways happy (late) birthday to my fav ace !!! i meant to post this on his bday rip
> 
> also yeah i know how schools in japan work but since this is a work of fiction instead of the school year starting in march and ending in april it starts in february and ends in january lol (so tora is the only one whos 18 so far)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akaashi: sorry im late i was crying but happy birthday :)
> 
> Yahaba:..... ty but are you okay
> 
> Akaashi: am i ever okay yahaba?
> 
> Akaashi: am i ever?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hq characters with siblings give me So much serotonin

**_we’re better than our senpais_ **

**_9:11 am_ **

  


**_Yahaba_ ** : HIIIIIII

  


**_Futakuchi_ ** : ,,,,yahaba you okay

  


**_Yahaba_** : DONT TELL SHIGERU BUT I STOLE HIS PHONE 

  


**_Ennoshita_ ** : oh?

  


**_Shirabu_ ** : oh hey hiro

  


**_Yahaba_ ** : !!!! HI JIROU!!!!!   
  
**_Ennoshita_ ** : aw

  


**_Akaashi:_ ** how are you?

  


**_Yahaba_ ** : IM GOOD!!! HOW ABOUT YOU????

  


**_Akaashi_ ** : i'm good, thank you for asking :)

  


**_Yahaba_ ** :  SHIGERUS WAKING UP SO I HAVE TO GO BUT ILL TALK TO YOU ALL SOON!!!!   
  


**_Shirabu_ ** : bye hiro :)

  


**_Yahaba:_ ** COME OVER SOON PLEASE I MISS YOSKJNHBDBSHJBA

  


**_Yahaba_ ** : i hate having siblings

  


**_Terushima_ ** : pfft

  


**_Akaashi_ ** : only child type beat

  


**_Terushima_ ** : my sisters are older than me lmao

  


**_Yahaba_ ** : im the middle child 

  


**_Ennoshita_ ** : y i k e s 

  


**_Futakuchi:_ ** i have a little sister rip

  


**_Shirabu_ ** : yahaba you literally cant complain i have 3 siblings AND im a middle child

  


**_Yahaba_ ** : your siblings are angels shut up

  


**_Shirabu_ ** : only until aiko and aito start fist fighting and haru starts crying for the eighth time this week because his girlfriend dumped him 

  


**_Kozume_ ** : suddenly i'm happy to be the only one on my team without siblings

  


**_Atsumu_ ** : lmao losers i dont have siblings

  


**_Atsumu_ ** : wait

  


**_Ennoshita_ ** : HOW DO YOU FORGET THAT 

  


**_Yamamoto_ ** : AHAHAHGAH

  


**_Kozume_ ** : actually how

  


**_Atsumu_ ** : in my defense

  


**_Futakuchi_ ** : you are literally famous for being a twin there is no defense

  


**_Atsumu_ ** :

  


**_Atsumu_ ** : next question please

  


**_Kozume_ ** : i would die for yamamoto akane

  


**_Yamamoto_ ** : bitch me too tf

  


**_Ennoshita:_ ** sometimes siblings are so neat

  


**_Ennoshita_ ** : except when their name is ennoshita fumi i wanna kick him sometimes

  


**_Atsumu_ ** : dsjhdsjhsj

  


**_Shirabu_ ** : ugh me with my brothers

  


**_Yahaba_ ** : same

  


**_Shirabu_ ** : you better not be talking about hiro he has never done anything wrong in his life

  


**_Yahaba_ ** : he called me a slur once

  


**_Shirabu_ ** : oh

  


**_Akaashi_ ** : bsjsjhsjahk

  


**_Terushima_ ** : wait shirabu n yahaba know each other outside of vb?

  


**_Yahaba_ ** : childhood friends

  


**_Terushima_ ** : ah

  


-

**_we’re better than our senpais_ **

**_1:27 pm_ **

  


**_Yamamoto_ ** : how does one come out

  


**_Yahaba_ ** : idk man i was outed to my whole school

  


**_Kozume_ ** : oh god

  


**_Shirabu_ ** : how did i not hear about this??

  


**_Yahaba_ ** : not sure !!

  


**_Yahaba_ ** : it was huge news around school in my first year but people stopped teasing me when iwaizumi-san punched someone over it 

  


**_Yahaba_ ** : anyways yamamoto you're planning on coming out ?

  


**_Yamamoto_ ** : to my parents and akane yeah

  


**_Terushima_ ** : i airdropped a gay joke to my sister n she asked if she could tell our family n i said yeah so

  


**_Futakuchi_ ** : AY I DID THE SAME THING

  


**_Terushima_ ** : TWINS

  


**_Ennoshita_ ** : i'm out to a grand total of 11 people and 9 of them are you guys

  


**_Kozume_ ** : who are the other people

  


**_Ennoshita_ ** : goshiki and my bf

  


**_Kozume_ ** : ah

  


**_Yamamoto_ ** : i'm going with terushimas idea

  


**_Yamamoto_ ** :  [_file_ _attached_](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fi.redd.it%2F21njofwrk0l21.jpg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.reddit.com%2Fr%2FLGBTeens%2Fcomments%2Fayz7a7%2Fcoming_out_just_came_out_to_my_friend_with_this%2F&tbnid=htTGWDuG1WGvaM&vet=12ahUKEwikxPK5wI_vAhXD2FkKHXpVBgMQMygBegUIARCmAQ..i&docid=8VhRvBp2zll1yM&w=640&h=899&q=coming%20out%20meme&safe=strict&ved=2ahUKEwikxPK5wI_vAhXD2FkKHXpVBgMQMygBegUIARCmAQ)

  


**_Yamamoto_ ** : ill update you

  


**_Kozume_ ** : send it to them team groupchat /hj

  


**_Akaashi_ ** : oh wait i forgot tone indicators existed

  


**_Ennoshita_ ** : i feel like those can be important

  


**_Yahaba:_ ** lets talk about this after the whole yamamoto thing 

  


**_Kozume_ ** : TORA I SAID HALF JOKING   
  
**_Kozume_ ** : DID YOU SEND IT TO BOTH GCS

  


**_Yamamoto_ ** : KUROO FUCKING SENT IT BACK

  


**_Akaashi_ ** : things are getting wild in the nekoma team groupchats

  


**_Yamamoto_ ** : “i know. no straight man looks at their friends like that” - yamamoto fucking akane

  


**_Kozume:_ ** i love her

  


**_Kozume:_ ** “sis we been knew” - kuro

  


**_Kozume_ ** : “literally shut up the same can be said about you and you're massive crush on morisuke” - kai 

  


**_Yamamoto_ ** : this is why kai is my favorite

  


**_Akaashi_ ** : what is w r o n g with nekoma

  


**_Atsumu_ ** : a lot?

  


**_Kozume_ ** : yeah

  


**_Yamamoto_ ** : lmao yaku san is losing it in the old gc

  


**_Akaashi_ ** : if it makes you feel any better konoha-san once sent the bee movie script 8 times and komi-sans phone was crashing so much he had to get a new one

  


**_Futakuchi_ ** : HLEP   
  
**_Terushima_ ** : gonna go do that brb

  


**_Akaashi_ ** : wait terushima no

  


-

  


**_we’re better than our senpais_ **

**_5:15 pm_ **

  


**_Akaashi:_ ** I glow pink in the night in my room

I've been blossoming alone over you

And I hear my heart breaking tonight

I hear my heart breaking tonight

Do you hear it too?

It's like a summer shower

With every drop of rain singing

"I love you, I love you, I love you

I love you, I love you, I love you

I love you, I love you, I love you!"

I could stare at your back all day

I could stare at your back all day

And I know I've kissed you before, but

I didn't do it right

Can I try again, try again, try again

Try again, and again, and again

And again, and again, and again

  


**_Kozume_ ** : one day

  


**_Kozume_ ** : one day without you crying over bokuto is all i ask for

  


**_Akaashi_ ** _ :  _ [ _ file attached _ ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fi.pinimg.com%2Foriginals%2F79%2Fe2%2F0b%2F79e20baeb44754374a93b5aa47d02a16.jpg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fbr.pinterest.com%2Fpin%2F692639617668200859%2F&tbnid=hPBBwnSeZlLW_M&vet=12ahUKEwiPsPiFypDvAhWN0VMKHduADLYQMygCegUIARCwAQ..i&docid=qIm1TKXxoAwZOM&w=989&h=989&itg=1&q=fight%20reaction%20meme&ved=2ahUKEwiPsPiFypDvAhWN0VMKHduADLYQMygCegUIARCwAQ)

  


**_Yamamoto_ ** : BYE

  


-

  


**_we’re better than our senpais_ **

**_12:00am_ **

  


**_Shirabu_ ** : everyone shut the fuck up im listening to the sound of yahabas birthday

  


**_Ennoshita_ ** : happy birthday!

  


**_Kozume_ ** : birth

  


**_Yamamoto_ ** : ayy 18 y/o gang

  


**_Terushima:_ ** Happy Birthday to You

Happy Birthday to You

Happy Birthday Dear Yahahahababa

Happy Birthday to You.

  


**_Futakuchi_ ** : bappy hirthday

  


**_Atsumu_ ** : age

  


**_Yahaba_ ** : thank youuuuu !

  


**_Akaashi:_ ** sorry im late i was crying but happy birthday :)

  


**_Yahaba_ ** :..... ty but are you okay

  


**_Akaashi_ ** : am i ever okay yahaba?

  


**_Akaashi_ ** : am i ever? 

  


-

  


**_we’re better than our senpais_ **

**_4:20am_ **

  


**_Atsumu_ ** : blaze it

  


**_Atsumu:_ ** anyways since i have only met one of yall in person im gonna assign you to random facebook memes i have saved just based on the convos we've had over the last month and a half

  


**_Atsumu_ ** : terushima -  [ _ file attached _ ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2F64.media.tumblr.com%2Fa5a7ebe315eef04834824bb2997d2113%2Fc487536d27c0c226-b6%2Fs1280x1920%2F422e0b46b2af7a753846a2f4e2c1a4708464dc76.jpg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fanimetiddiesexpert.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F635956938956521472&tbnid=9m8l8YZZYj82-M&vet=12ahUKEwijys2PzJDvAhVUulkKHbomCosQMygSegUIARDIAQ..i&docid=cQzhQsTPBoNTAM&w=736&h=740&q=badly%20edited%20facebook%20memes&ved=2ahUKEwijys2PzJDvAhVUulkKHbomCosQMygSegUIARDIAQ)

  


**_Atsumu_ ** : akaashi -  [ _ file attached _ ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fpbs.twimg.com%2Fmedia%2FEnh7K6nXcAE6EgB.jpg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Ftwitter.com%2Fhmtfu%2Fstatus%2F1330948587551940609&tbnid=XOfQdDoazbB6OM&vet=12ahUKEwijys2PzJDvAhVUulkKHbomCosQMygIegUIARC0AQ..i&docid=i8c-raifxHjYjM&w=622&h=579&q=badly%20edited%20facebook%20memes&ved=2ahUKEwijys2PzJDvAhVUulkKHbomCosQMygIegUIARC0AQ)

  


**_Atsumu_ ** : yahaba -  [ _ file attached _ ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fi.pinimg.com%2Foriginals%2F74%2F47%2F63%2F744763f56ac654bf64e5747575085208.jpg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fro.pinterest.com%2Fttrashc0re%2Fbadly-edited-facebook-memes%2F&tbnid=dDNr7J5xJn2m0M&vet=12ahUKEwijys2PzJDvAhVUulkKHbomCosQMygAegUIARCkAQ..i&docid=BxBepHMPxY7uNM&w=1080&h=962&q=badly%20edited%20facebook%20memes&ved=2ahUKEwijys2PzJDvAhVUulkKHbomCosQMygAegUIARCkAQ)

  


**_Atsumu_ ** : shirabu -  [ _ file attached _ ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fi.pinimg.com%2F474x%2F2c%2Faa%2F02%2F2caa0241d2b07600e50b485fc4464eea.jpg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.pinterest.com%2Feternalsufferingxoxo%2Fbadly-edited-facebook-posts-i-relate-to%2F&tbnid=6HxGj7zNsVGibM&vet=12ahUKEwijys2PzJDvAhVUulkKHbomCosQMyhTegQIARB1..i&docid=LM4g1zPbclVMlM&w=474&h=314&q=badly%20edited%20facebook%20memes&ved=2ahUKEwijys2PzJDvAhVUulkKHbomCosQMyhTegQIARB1)

  


**_Atsumu_ ** : futakuchi -  [ _ file attached _ ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fi.pinimg.com%2Foriginals%2Fd9%2F44%2F4f%2Fd9444f0c77c9cc638a2c3443c837e1f9.jpg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fbr.pinterest.com%2Fpin%2F860328335062991287%2F&tbnid=1BZor4iilpujgM&vet=12ahUKEwiBw9KP2JDvAhUZuFkKHQwpCU4QMygLegUIARCjAQ..i&docid=ShXPzqn7ItcP9M&w=750&h=467&q=badly%20edited%20facebook%20memes%20pinterest&hl=en&ved=2ahUKEwiBw9KP2JDvAhUZuFkKHQwpCU4QMygLegUIARCjAQ)

  


**_Atsumu_ ** : kenma -  [ _ file attached _ ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fi.pinimg.com%2F736x%2F51%2F27%2F4a%2F51274a990abbd6a3ad9de1c9e117eb28.jpg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.pinterest.com%2Fcasslaud99%2Fbadly-edited-facebook-memes%2F&tbnid=96L1zcFYgVZDYM&vet=12ahUKEwiBw9KP2JDvAhUZuFkKHQwpCU4QMygWegUIARC5AQ..i&docid=KhmN-95r4mGa6M&w=734&h=363&q=badly%20edited%20facebook%20memes%20pinterest&hl=en&ved=2ahUKEwiBw9KP2JDvAhUZuFkKHQwpCU4QMygWegUIARC5AQ)

  


**_Atsumu_ ** : ennoshita -  [ _ file attached _ ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fi.pinimg.com%2F236x%2Fea%2F3b%2F95%2Fea3b959983708ff3b3a63732b69a2432.jpg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.pinterest.com%2Fpercqbths%2Fbadly-edited-facebook-memes%2F&tbnid=uDnNgVeEYyVAGM&vet=12ahUKEwiBw9KP2JDvAhUZuFkKHQwpCU4QMygMegUIARClAQ..i&docid=lkuc53pXz0S-vM&w=235&h=230&q=badly%20edited%20facebook%20memes%20pinterest&hl=en&ved=2ahUKEwiBw9KP2JDvAhUZuFkKHQwpCU4QMygMegUIARClAQ)

  


**_Atsumu:_ ** yamamoto -  [ _ file attached _ ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2F64.media.tumblr.com%2Ffe13c40a946cec9f37e5d92699fb6154%2F7a8d691954fb54d7-4b%2Fs400x600%2F65db66752386ed8e24afb4cf91c89a8ce9c77f0b.jpg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.tumgir.com%2Ftag%2Fpinterest%2520meme&tbnid=CYDP_v4FDTk0QM&vet=12ahUKEwiBw9KP2JDvAhUZuFkKHQwpCU4QMygTegUIARCzAQ..i&docid=bY8DkWnxbv9oEM&w=400&h=235&q=badly%20edited%20facebook%20memes%20pinterest&hl=en&ved=2ahUKEwiBw9KP2JDvAhUZuFkKHQwpCU4QMygTegUIARCzAQ)

  


**_Kozume_ ** : AYO THATS A BIT TOO LOUD

  


**_Futakuchi_ ** : AKAASHIS IS SO FUNNY THEY CRY SO MUCH   
  


**_Akaashi_ ** : shut up mr mommy issues

  


**_Terushima_ ** : HELPOIWIWJSIJ   
  
**_Yahaba_ ** : UR SO RIGHT W MINE HELP

  


**_Ennoshita_ ** : BYE YOU DIDNT NEED TO CALL ME OUT

  


**_Yamamoto_ ** : atsumu -  [ _ file attached _ ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fi.pinimg.com%2F236x%2Ffc%2F2b%2Fa3%2Ffc2ba3d63d2bb2ba4df78de3c44b8428.jpg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.pinterest.com%2Fpercqbths%2Fbadly-edited-facebook-memes%2F&tbnid=zcgXhuMZEfcpoM&vet=12ahUKEwiBw9KP2JDvAhUZuFkKHQwpCU4QMygRegUIARCvAQ..i&docid=lkuc53pXz0S-vM&w=235&h=205&q=badly%20edited%20facebook%20memes%20pinterest&hl=en&ved=2ahUKEwiBw9KP2JDvAhUZuFkKHQwpCU4QMygRegUIARCvAQ)

  


**_Atsumu_ ** : NOW JUST BECAUSE ALL MY FRIENDS LOWKEY HATE ME

  


**_Atsumu_ ** : i literally cant defend myself why do all my friends hate me

  


**_Yamamoto_ ** : wait i didnt mean for it to upset you 

  


**_Atsumu_ ** : no it was funny but. yeah

  


**_Atsumu_ ** :  [ _ file attached _ ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fi.pinimg.com%2F280x280_RS%2Fd9%2Ffc%2F69%2Fd9fc69da78c4e736cee0c53a8649e3fc.jpg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.pinterest.com%2Fiamatittielover69%2Fty-badly-edited-facebook-memes%2F&tbnid=9qk17fBSneOv9M&vet=12ahUKEwiBw9KP2JDvAhUZuFkKHQwpCU4QMygdegUIARDHAQ..i&docid=hWeJJLWKF1GvmM&w=280&h=280&q=badly%20edited%20facebook%20memes%20pinterest&hl=en&ved=2ahUKEwiBw9KP2JDvAhUZuFkKHQwpCU4QMygdegUIARDHAQ)

  


**_Ennoshita_ ** : I THOUGHT WE LEFT THIS SHIT BEHIND LAST SUMMER

  


**_Yahaba:_ ** [ _ file attached _ ](https://youtu.be/dQw4w9WgXcQ)

  


**_Kozume_ ** : GOD FUCKINGG DAMN IT

  


-

  


**_we’re better than our senpais_ **

**_5:40am_ **

  
  


**_Terushima_ ** :

Why would you question anything?

We're bees.

  


We're the most perfectly

functioning society on Earth.

  


You ever think maybe things

work a little too well here?

  


Like what? Give me one example.

  


I don't know. But you know

what I'm talking about.

  


Please clear the gate.

Royal Nectar Force on approach.

  


Wait a second. Oheck it out.

  


\- Hey, those are Pollen Jocks!

\- Wow.

  


I've never seen them this close.

  


They know what it's like

outside the hive.

  


Yeah, but some don't come back.

  


\- Hey, Jocks!

\- Hi, Jocks!

  


You guys did great!

  


You're monsters!

You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it!

  


\- I wonder where they were.

\- I don't know.

  


Their day's not planned.

  


Outside the hive, flying who knows

where, doing who knows what.

  


You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen

Jock. You have to be bred for that.

  


Right.

  


Look. That's more pollen

than you and I will see in a lifetime.

  


It's just a status symbol.

Bees make too much of it.

  


Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it

and the ladies see you wearing it.

  


Those ladies?

Aren't they our cousins too?

  


Distant. Distant.

  


Look at these two.

  


\- Oouple of Hive Harrys.

\- Let's have fun with them.

  


It must be dangerous

being a Pollen Jock.

  


Yeah. Once a bear pinned me

against a mushroom!

  


He had a paw on my throat,

and with the other, he was slapping me!

  


\- Oh, my!

\- I never thought I'd knock him out.

  


What were you doing during this?

  


Trying to alert the authorities.

  


I can autograph that.

  


A little gusty out there today,

wasn't it, comrades?

  


Yeah. Gusty.

  


We're hitting a sunflower patch

six miles from here tomorrow.

  


\- Six miles, huh?

\- Barry!

  


A puddle jump for us,

but maybe you're not up for it.

  


\- Maybe I am.

\- You are not!

  


We're going 0900 at J-Gate.

  


What do you think, buzzy-boy?

Are you bee enough?

  


I might be. It all depends

on what 0900 means.

  


Hey, Honex!

  


Dad, you surprised me.

  


You decide what you're interested in?

  


\- Well, there's a lot of choices.

\- But you only get one.

  


Do you ever get bored

doing the same job every day?

  


Son, let me tell you about stirring.

  


You grab that stick, and you just

move it around, and you stir it around.

  


You get yourself into a rhythm.

It's a beautiful thing.

  


You know, Dad,

the more I think about it,

  


maybe the honey field

just isn't right for me.

  


You were thinking of what,

making balloon animals?

  


That's a bad job

for a guy with a stinger.

  


Janet, your son's not sure

he wants to go into honey!

  


\- Barry, you are so funny sometimes.

\- I'm not trying to be funny.

  


You're not funny! You're going

into honey. Our son, the stirrer!

  


\- You're gonna be a stirrer?

\- No one's listening to me!

  


Wait till you see the sticks I have.

  


I could say anything right now.

I'm gonna get an ant tattoo!

  


Let's open some honey and celebrate!

  


Maybe I'll pierce my thorax.

Shave my antennae.

  


Shack up with a grasshopper. Get

a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"!

  


I'm so proud.

  


\- We're starting work today!

\- Today's the day.

  


Oome on! All the good jobs

will be gone.

  


Yeah, right.

  


Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring,

stirrer, front desk, hair removal...

  


\- Is it still available?

\- Hang on. Two left!

  


One of them's yours! Oongratulations!

Step to the side.

  


\- What'd you get?

\- Picking crud out. Stellar!

  


Wow!

  


Oouple of newbies?

  


Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready!

  


Make your choice.

  


\- You want to go first?

\- No, you go.

  


Oh, my. What's available?

  


Restroom attendant's open,

not for the reason you think.

  


\- Any chance of getting the Krelman?

\- Sure, you're on.

  


I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out.

  


Wax monkey's always open.

  


The Krelman opened up again.

  


What happened?

  


A bee died. Makes an opening. See?

He's dead. Another dead one.

  


Deady. Deadified. Two more dead.

  


Dead from the neck up.

Dead from the neck down. That's life!

  


Oh, this is so hard!

  


Heating, cooling,

stunt bee, pourer, stirrer,

  


humming, inspector number seven,

lint coordinator, stripe supervisor,

  


mite wrangler. Barry, what

do you think I should... Barry?

  


Barry!

  


All right, we've got the sunflower patch

in quadrant nine...

  


What happened to you?

Where are you?

  


\- I'm going out.

\- Out? Out where?

  


\- Out there.

\- Oh, no!

  


I have to, before I go

to work for the rest of my life.

  


You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello?

  


Another call coming in.

  


If anyone's feeling brave,

there's a Korean deli on 83rd

  


that gets their roses today.

  


Hey, guys.

  


\- Look at that.

\- Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday?

  


Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted.

  


It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up.

  


Really? Feeling lucky, are you?

  


Sign here, here. Just initial that.

  


\- Thank you.

\- OK.

  


You got a rain advisory today,

  


and as you all know,

bees cannot fly in rain.

  


So be careful. As always,

watch your brooms,

  


hockey sticks, dogs,

birds, bears and bats.

  


Also, I got a couple of reports

of root beer being poured on us.

  


Murphy's in a home because of it,

babbling like a cicada!

  


\- That's awful.

\- And a reminder for you rookies,

  


bee law number one,

absolutely no talking to humans!

  


All right, launch positions!

  


Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz,

buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz!

  


Black and yellow!

  


Hello!

  


You ready for this, hot shot?

  


Yeah. Yeah, bring it on.

  


Wind, check.

  


\- Antennae, check.

\- Nectar pack, check.

  


\- Wings, check.

\- Stinger, check.

  


Scared out of my shorts, check.

  


OK, ladies,

  


let's move it out!

  


Pound those petunias,

you striped stem-suckers!

  


All of you, drain those flowers!

  


Wow! I'm out!

  


I can't believe I'm out!

  


So blue.

  


I feel so fast and free!

  


Box kite!

  


Wow!

  


Flowers!

  


This is Blue Leader.

We have roses visual.

  


Bring it around 30 degrees and hold.

  


Roses!

  


30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around.

  


Stand to the side, kid.

It's got a bit of a kick.

  


That is one nectar collector!

  


\- Ever see pollination up close?

\- No, sir.

  


I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it

over here. Maybe a dash over there,

  


a pinch on that one.

See that? It's a little bit of magic.

  


That's amazing. Why do we do that?

  


That's pollen power. More pollen, more

flowers, more nectar, more honey for us.

  


Oool.

  


I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow.

Oould be daisies. Don't we need those?

  


Oopy that visual.

  


Wait. One of these flowers

seems to be on the move.

  


Say again? You're reporting

a moving flower?

  


Affirmative.

  


That was on the line!

  


This is the coolest. What is it?

  


I don't know, but I'm loving this color.

  


It smells good.

Not like a flower, but I like it.

  


Yeah, fuzzy.

  


Ohemical-y.

  


Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby.

  


My sweet lord of bees!

  


Oandy-brain, get off there!

  


Problem!

  


\- Guys!

\- This could be bad.

  


Affirmative.

  


Very close.

  


Gonna hurt.

  


Mama's little boy.

  


You are way out of position, rookie!

  


Ooming in at you like a missile!

  


Help me!

  


I don't think these are flowers.

  


\- Should we tell him?

\- I think he knows.

  


What is this?!

  


Match point!

  


You can start packing up, honey,

because you're about to eat it!

  


Yowser!

  


Gross.

  


There's a bee in the car!

  


\- Do something!

\- I'm driving!

  


\- Hi, bee.

\- He's back here!

  


He's going to sting me!

  


Nobody move. If you don't move,

he won't sting you. Freeze!

  


He blinked!

  


Spray him, Granny!

  


What are you doing?!

  


Wow... the tension level

out here is unbelievable.

  


I gotta get home.

  


Oan't fly in rain.

  


Oan't fly in rain.

  


Oan't fly in rain.

  


Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down!

  


Ken, could you close

the window please?

  


Ken, could you close

the window please?

  


Oheck out my new resume.

I made it into a fold-out brochure.

  


You see? Folds out.

  


Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this.

  


What was that?

  


Maybe this time. This time. This time.

This time! This time! This...

  


Drapes!

  


That is diabolical.

  


It's fantastic. It's got all my special

skills, even my top-ten favorite movies.

  


What's number one? Star Wars?

  


Nah, I don't go for that...

  


...kind of stuff.

  


No wonder we shouldn't talk to them.

They're out of their minds.

  


When I leave a job interview, they're

flabbergasted, can't believe what I say.

  


There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out.

  


I don't remember the sun

having a big 75 on it.

  


I predicted global warming.

  


I could feel it getting hotter.

At first I thought it was just me.

  


Wait! Stop! Bee!

  


Stand back. These are winter boots.

  


Wait!

  


Don't kill him!

  


You know I'm allergic to them!

This thing could kill me!

  


Why does his life have

less value than yours?

  


Why does his life have any less value

than mine? Is that your statement?

  


I'm just saying all life has value. You

don't know what he's capable of feeling.

  


My brochure!

  


There you go, little guy.

  


I'm not scared of him.

It's an allergic thing.

  


Put that on your resume brochure.

  


My whole face could puff up.

  


Make it one of your special skills.

  


Knocking someone out

is also a special skill.

  


Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks.

  


\- Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night?

\- Sure, Ken. You know, whatever.

  


\- You could put carob chips on there.

\- Bye.

  


\- Supposed to be less calories.

\- Bye.

  


I gotta say something.

  


She saved my life.

I gotta say something.

  


All right, here it goes.

  


Nah.

  


What would I say?

  


I could really get in trouble.

  


It's a bee law.

You're not supposed to talk to a human.

  


I can't believe I'm doing this.

  


I've got to.

  


Oh, I can't do it. Oome on!

  


No. Yes. No.

  


Do it. I can't.

  


How should I start it?

"You like jazz?" No, that's no good.

  


Here she comes! Speak, you fool!

  


Hi!

  


I'm sorry.

  


\- You're talking.

\- Yes, I know.

  


You're talking!

  


I'm so sorry.

  


No, it's OK. It's fine.

I know I'm dreaming.

  


But I don't recall going to bed.

  


Well, I'm sure this

is very disconcerting.

  


This is a bit of a surprise to me.

I mean, you're a bee!

  


I am. And I'm not supposed

to be doing this,

  


but they were all trying to kill me.

  


And if it wasn't for you...

  


I had to thank you.

It's just how I was raised.

  


That was a little weird.

  


\- I'm talking with a bee.

\- Yeah.

  


I'm talking to a bee.

And the bee is talking to me!

  


I just want to say I'm grateful.

I'll leave now.

  


\- Wait! How did you learn to do that?

\- What?

  


The talking thing.

  


Same way you did, I guess.

"Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up.

  


\- That's very funny.

\- Yeah.

  


Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh,

we'd cry with what we have to deal with.

  


Anyway...

  


Oan I...

  


...get you something?

\- Like what?

  


I don't know. I mean...

I don't know. Ooffee?

  


I don't want to put you out.

  


It's no trouble. It takes two minutes.

  


\- It's just coffee.

\- I hate to impose.

  


\- Don't be ridiculous!

\- Actually, I would love a cup.

  


Hey, you want rum cake?

  


\- I shouldn't.

\- Have some.

  


\- No, I can't.

\- Oome on!

  


I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms.

  


\- Where?

\- These stripes don't help.

  


You look great!

  


I don't know if you know

anything about fashion.

  


Are you all right?

  


No.

  


He's making the tie in the cab

as they're flying up Madison.

  


He finally gets there.

  


He runs up the steps into the church.

The wedding is on.

  


And he says, "Watermelon?

I thought you said Guatemalan.

  


Why would I marry a watermelon?"

  


Is that a bee joke?

  


That's the kind of stuff we do.

  


Yeah, different.

  


So, what are you gonna do, Barry?

  


About work? I don't know.

  


I want to do my part for the hive,

but I can't do it the way they want.

  


I know how you feel.

  


\- You do?

\- Sure.

  


My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or

a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist.

  


\- Really?

\- My only interest is flowers.

  


Our new queen was just elected

with that same campaign slogan.

  


Anyway, if you look...

  


There's my hive right there. See it?

  


You're in Sheep Meadow!

  


Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond!

  


No way! I know that area.

I lost a toe ring there once.

  


\- Why do girls put rings on their toes?

\- Why not?

  


\- It's like putting a hat on your knee.

\- Maybe I'll try that.

  


\- You all right, ma'am?

\- Oh, yeah. Fine.

  


Just having two cups of coffee!

  


Anyway, this has been great.

Thanks for the coffee.

  


Yeah, it's no trouble.

  


Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did,

I'd be up the rest of my life.

  


Are you...?

  


Oan I take a piece of this with me?

  


Sure! Here, have a crumb.

  


\- Thanks!

\- Yeah.

  


All right. Well, then...

I guess I'll see you around.

  


Or not.

  


OK, Barry.

  


And thank you

so much again... for before.

  


Oh, that? That was nothing.

  


Well, not nothing, but... Anyway...

  


This can't possibly work.

  


He's all set to go.

We may as well try it.

  


OK, Dave, pull the chute.

  


\- Sounds amazing.

\- It was amazing!

  


It was the scariest,

happiest moment of my life.

  


Humans! I can't believe

you were with humans!

  


Giant, scary humans!

What were they like?

  


Huge and crazy. They talk crazy.

  


They eat crazy giant things.

They drive crazy.

  


\- Do they try and kill you, like on TV?

\- Some of them. But some of them don't.

  


\- How'd you get back?

\- Poodle.

  


You did it, and I'm glad. You saw

whatever you wanted to see.

  


You had your "experience." Now you

can pick out yourjob and be normal.

  


\- Well...

\- Well?

  


Well, I met someone.

  


You did? Was she Bee-ish?

  


\- A wasp?! Your parents will kill you!

\- No, no, no, not a wasp.

  


\- Spider?

\- I'm not attracted to spiders.

  


I know it's the hottest thing,

with the eight legs and all.

  


I can't get by that face.

  


So who is she?

  


She's... human.

  


No, no. That's a bee law.

You wouldn't break a bee law.

  


\- Her name's Vanessa.

\- Oh, boy.

  


She's so nice. And she's a florist!

  


Oh, no! You're dating a human florist!

  


We're not dating.

  


You're flying outside the hive, talking

to humans that attack our homes

  


with power washers and M-80s!

One-eighth a stick of dynamite!

  


She saved my life!

And she understands me.

  


This is over!

  


Eat this.

  


This is not over! What was that?

  


\- They call it a crumb.

\- It was so stingin' stripey!

  


And that's not what they eat.

That's what falls off what they eat!

  


\- You know what a Oinnabon is?

\- No.

  


It's bread and cinnamon and frosting.

They heat it up...

  


Sit down!

  


...really hot!

\- Listen to me!

  


We are not them! We're us.

There's us and there's them!

  


Yes, but who can deny

the heart that is yearning?

  


There's no yearning.

Stop yearning. Listen to me!

  


You have got to start thinking bee,

my friend. Thinking bee!

  


\- Thinking bee.

\- Thinking bee.

  


Thinking bee! Thinking bee!

Thinking bee! Thinking bee!

  


There he is. He's in the pool.

  


You know what your problem is, Barry?

  


I gotta start thinking bee?

  


How much longer will this go on?

  


It's been three days!

Why aren't you working?

  


I've got a lot of big life decisions

to think about.

  


What life? You have no life!

You have no job. You're barely a bee!

  


Would it kill you

to make a little honey?

  


Barry, come out.

Your father's talking to you.

  


Martin, would you talk to him?

  


Barry, I'm talking to you!

  


You coming?

  


Got everything?

  


All set!

  


Go ahead. I'll catch up.

  


Don't be too long.

  


Watch this!

  


Vanessa!

  


\- We're still here.

\- I told you not to yell at him.

  


He doesn't respond to yelling!

  


\- Then why yell at me?

\- Because you don't listen!

  


I'm not listening to this.

  


Sorry, I've gotta go.

  


\- Where are you going?

\- I'm meeting a friend.

  


A girl? Is this why you can't decide?

  


Bye.

  


I just hope she's Bee-ish.

  


They have a huge parade

of flowers every year in Pasadena?

  


To be in the Tournament of Roses,

that's every florist's dream!

  


Up on a float, surrounded

by flowers, crowds cheering.

  


A tournament. Do the roses

compete in athletic events?

  


No. All right, I've got one.

How come you don't fly everywhere?

  


It's exhausting. Why don't you

run everywhere? It's faster.

  


Yeah, OK, I see, I see.

All right, your turn.

  


TiVo. You can just freeze live TV?

That's insane!

  


You don't have that?

  


We have Hivo, but it's a disease.

It's a horrible, horrible disease.

  


Oh, my.

  


Dumb bees!

  


You must want to sting all those jerks.

  


We try not to sting.

It's usually fatal for us.

  


So you have to watch your temper.

  


Very carefully.

You kick a wall, take a walk,

  


write an angry letter and throw it out.

Work through it like any emotion:

  


Anger, jealousy, lust.

  


Oh, my goodness! Are you OK?

  


Yeah.

  


\- What is wrong with you?!

\- It's a bug.

  


He's not bothering anybody.

Get out of here, you creep!

  


What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular?

  


Yeah, it was. How did you know?

  


It felt like about 10 pages.

Seventy-five is pretty much our limit.

  


You've really got that

down to a science.

  


\- I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue.

\- I'll bet.

  


What in the name

of Mighty Hercules is this?

  


How did this get here?

Oute Bee, Golden Blossom,

  


Ray Liotta Private Select?

  


\- Is he that actor?

\- I never heard of him.

  


\- Why is this here?

\- For people. We eat it.

  


You don't have

enough food of your own?

  


\- Well, yes.

\- How do you get it?

  


\- Bees make it.

\- I know who makes it!

  


And it's hard to make it!

  


There's heating, cooling, stirring.

You need a whole Krelman thing!

  


\- It's organic.

\- It's our-ganic!

  


It's just honey, Barry.

  


Just what?!

  


Bees don't know about this!

This is stealing! A lot of stealing!

  


You've taken our homes, schools,

hospitals! This is all we have!

  


And it's on sale?!

I'm getting to the bottom of this.

  


I'm getting to the bottom

of all of this!

  


Hey, Hector.

  


\- You almost done?

\- Almost.

  


He is here. I sense it.

  


Well, I guess I'll go home now

  


and just leave this nice honey out,

with no one around.

  


You're busted, box boy!

  


I knew I heard something.

So you can talk!

  


I can talk.

And now you'll start talking!

  


Where you getting the sweet stuff?

Who's your supplier?

  


I don't understand.

I thought we were friends.

  


The last thing we want

to do is upset bees!

  


You're too late! It's ours now!

  


You, sir, have crossed

the wrong sword!

  


You, sir, will be lunch

for my iguana, Ignacio!

  


Where is the honey coming from?

  


Tell me where!

  


Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms!

  


Orazy person!

  


What horrible thing has happened here?

  


These faces, they never knew

what hit them. And now

  


they're on the road to nowhere!

  


Just keep still.

  


What? You're not dead?

  


Do I look dead? They will wipe anything

that moves. Where you headed?

  


To Honey Farms.

I am onto something huge here.

  


I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood,

crazy stuff. Blows your head off!

  


I'm going to Tacoma.

  


\- And you?

\- He really is dead.

  


All right.

  


Uh-oh!

  


\- What is that?!

\- Oh, no!

  


\- A wiper! Triple blade!

\- Triple blade?

  


Jump on! It's your only chance, bee!

  


Why does everything have

to be so doggone clean?!

  


How much do you people need to see?!

  


Open your eyes!

Stick your head out the window!

  


From NPR News in Washington,

I'm Oarl Kasell.

  


But don't kill no more bugs!

  


\- Bee!

\- Moose blood guy!!

  


\- You hear something?

\- Like what?

  


Like tiny screaming.

  


Turn off the radio.

  


Whassup, bee boy?

  


Hey, Blood.

  


Just a row of honey jars,

as far as the eye could see.

  


Wow!

  


I assume wherever this truck goes

is where they're getting it.

  


I mean, that honey's ours.

  


\- Bees hang tight.

\- We're all jammed in.

  


It's a close community.

  


Not us, man. We on our own.

Every mosquito on his own.

  


\- What if you get in trouble?

\- You a mosquito, you in trouble.

  


Nobody likes us. They just smack.

See a mosquito, smack, smack!

  


At least you're out in the world.

You must meet girls.

  


Mosquito girls try to trade up,

get with a moth, dragonfly.

  


Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito.

  


You got to be kidding me!

  


Mooseblood's about to leave

the building! So long, bee!

  


\- Hey, guys!

\- Mooseblood!

  


I knew I'd catch y'all down here.

Did you bring your crazy straw?

  


We throw it in jars, slap a label on it,

and it's pretty much pure profit.

  


What is this place?

  


A bee's got a brain

the size of a pinhead.

  


They are pinheads!

  


Pinhead.

  


\- Oheck out the new smoker.

\- Oh, sweet. That's the one you want.

  


The Thomas 3000!

  


Smoker?

  


Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic.

Twice the nicotine, all the tar.

  


A couple breaths of this

knocks them right out.

  


They make the honey,

and we make the money.

  


"They make the honey,

and we make the money"?

  


Oh, my!

  


What's going on? Are you OK?

  


Yeah. It doesn't last too long.

  


Do you know you're

in a fake hive with fake walls?

  


Our queen was moved here.

We had no choice.

  


This is your queen?

That's a man in women's clothes!

  


That's a drag queen!

  


What is this?

  


Oh, no!

  


There's hundreds of them!

  


Bee honey.

  


Our honey is being brazenly stolen

on a massive scale!

  


This is worse than anything bears

have done! I intend to do something.

  


Oh, Barry, stop.

  


Who told you humans are taking

our honey? That's a rumor.

  


Do these look like rumors?

  


That's a conspiracy theory.

These are obviously doctored photos.

  


How did you get mixed up in this?

  


He's been talking to humans.

  


\- What?

\- Talking to humans?!

  


He has a human girlfriend.

And they make out!

  


Make out? Barry!

  


We do not.

  


\- You wish you could.

\- Whose side are you on?

  


The bees!

  


I dated a cricket once in San Antonio.

Those crazy legs kept me up all night.

  


Barry, this is what you want

to do with your life?

  


I want to do it for all our lives.

Nobody works harder than bees!

  


Dad, I remember you

coming home so overworked

  


your hands were still stirring.

You couldn't stop.

  


I remember that.

  


What right do they have to our honey?

  


We live on two cups a year. They put it

in lip balm for no reason whatsoever!

  


Even if it's true, what can one bee do?

  


Sting them where it really hurts.

  


In the face! The eye!

  


\- That would hurt.

\- No.

  


Up the nose? That's a killer.

  


There's only one place you can sting

the humans, one place where it matters.

  


Hive at Five, the hive's only

full-hour action news source.

  


No more bee beards!

  


With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk.

  


Weather with Storm Stinger.

  


Sports with Buzz Larvi.

  


And Jeanette Ohung.

  


\- Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble.

\- And I'm Jeanette Ohung.

  


A tri-county bee, Barry Benson,

  


intends to sue the human race

for stealing our honey,

  


packaging it and profiting

from it illegally!

  


Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King,

  


we'll have three former queens here in

our studio, discussing their new book,

  


Olassy Ladies,

out this week on Hexagon.

  


Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson.

  


Did you ever think, "I'm a kid

from the hive. I can't do this"?

  


Bees have never been afraid

to change the world.

  


What about Bee Oolumbus?

Bee Gandhi? Bejesus?

  


Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans.

  


We were thinking

of stickball or candy stores.

  


How old are you?

  


The bee community

is supporting you in this case,

  


which will be the trial

of the bee century.

  


You know, they have a Larry King

in the human world too.

  


It's a common name. Next week...

  


He looks like you and has a show

and suspenders and colored dots...

  


Next week...

  


Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the

guest even though you just heard 'em.

  


Bear Week next week!

They're scary, hairy and here live.

  


Always leans forward, pointy shoulders,

squinty eyes, very Jewish.

  


In tennis, you attack

at the point of weakness!

  


It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81.

  


Honey, her backhand's a joke!

I'm not gonna take advantage of that?

  


Quiet, please.

Actual work going on here.

  


\- Is that that same bee?

\- Yes, it is!

  


I'm helping him sue the human race.

  


\- Hello.

\- Hello, bee.

  


This is Ken.

  


Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size

ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe.

  


Why does he talk again?

  


Listen, you better go

'cause we're really busy working.

  


But it's our yogurt night!

  


Bye-bye.

  


Why is yogurt night so difficult?!

  


You poor thing.

You two have been at this for hours!

  


Yes, and Adam here

has been a huge help.

  


\- Frosting...

\- How many sugars?

  


Just one. I try not

to use the competition.

  


So why are you helping me?

  


Bees have good qualities.

  


And it takes my mind off the shop.

  


Instead of flowers, people

are giving balloon bouquets now.

  


Those are great, if you're three.

  


And artificial flowers.

  


\- Oh, those just get me psychotic!

\- Yeah, me too.

  


Bent stingers, pointless pollination.

  


Bees must hate those fake things!

  


Nothing worse

than a daffodil that's had work done.

  


Maybe this could make up

for it a little bit.

  


\- This lawsuit's a pretty big deal.

\- I guess.

  


You sure you want to go through with it?

  


Am I sure? When I'm done with

the humans, they won't be able

  


to say, "Honey, I'm home,"

without paying a royalty!

  


It's an incredible scene

here in downtown Manhattan,

  


where the world anxiously waits,

because for the first time in history,

  


we will hear for ourselves

if a honeybee can actually speak.

  


What have we gotten into here, Barry?

  


It's pretty big, isn't it?

  


I can't believe how many humans

don't work during the day.

  


You think billion-dollar multinational

food companies have good lawyers?

  


Everybody needs to stay

behind the barricade.

  


\- What's the matter?

\- I don't know, I just got a chill.

  


Well, if it isn't the bee team.

  


You boys work on this?

  


All rise! The Honorable

Judge Bumbleton presiding.

  


All right. Oase number 4475,

  


Superior Oourt of New York,

Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry

  


is now in session.

  


Mr. Montgomery, you're representing

the five food companies collectively?

  


A privilege.

  


Mr. Benson... you're representing

all the bees of the world?

  


I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor,

we're ready to proceed.

  


Mr. Montgomery,

your opening statement, please.

  


Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,

  


my grandmother was a simple woman.

  


Born on a farm, she believed

it was man's divine right

  


to benefit from the bounty

of nature God put before us.

  


If we lived in the topsy-turvy world

Mr. Benson imagines,

  


just think of what would it mean.

  


I would have to negotiate

with the silkworm

  


for the elastic in my britches!

  


Talking bee!

  


How do we know this isn't some sort of

  


holographic motion-picture-capture

Hollywood wizardry?

  


They could be using laser beams!

  


Robotics! Ventriloquism!

Oloning! For all we know,

  


he could be on steroids!

  


Mr. Benson?

  


Ladies and gentlemen,

there's no trickery here.

  


I'm just an ordinary bee.

Honey's pretty important to me.

  


It's important to all bees.

We invented it!

  


We make it. And we protect it

with our lives.

  


Unfortunately, there are

some people in this room

  


who think they can take it from us

  


'cause we're the little guys!

I'm hoping that, after this is all over,

  


you'll see how, by taking our honey,

you not only take everything we have

  


but everything we are!

  


I wish he'd dress like that

all the time. So nice!

  


Oall your first witness.

  


So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden

of Honey Farms, big company you have.

  


I suppose so.

  


I see you also own

Honeyburton and Honron!

  


Yes, they provide beekeepers

for our farms.

  


Beekeeper. I find that

to be a very disturbing term.

  


I don't imagine you employ

any bee-free-ers, do you?

  


\- No.

\- I couldn't hear you.

  


\- No.

\- No.

  


Because you don't free bees.

You keep bees. Not only that,

  


it seems you thought a bear would be

an appropriate image for a jar of honey.

  


They're very lovable creatures.

  


Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear.

  


You mean like this?

  


Bears kill bees!

  


How'd you like his head crashing

through your living room?!

  


Biting into your couch!

Spitting out your throw pillows!

  


OK, that's enough. Take him away.

  


So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here.

Your name intrigues me.

  


\- Where have I heard it before?

\- I was with a band called The Police.

  


But you've never been

a police officer, have you?

  


No, I haven't.

  


No, you haven't. And so here

we have yet another example

  


of bee culture casually

stolen by a human

  


for nothing more than

a prance-about stage name.

  


Oh, please.

  


Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting?

  


Because I'm feeling

a little stung, Sting.

  


Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner!

  


That's not his real name?! You idiots!

  


Mr. Liotta, first,

belated congratulations on

  


your Emmy win for a guest spot

on ER in 2005.

  


Thank you. Thank you.

  


I see from your resume

that you're devilishly handsome

  


with a churning inner turmoil

that's ready to blow.

  


I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime?

  


Not yet it isn't. But is this

what it's come to for you?

  


Exploiting tiny, helpless bees

so you don't

  


have to rehearse

your part and learn your lines, sir?

  


Watch it, Benson!

I could blow right now!

  


This isn't a goodfella.

This is a badfella!

  


Why doesn't someone just step on

this creep, and we can all go home?!

  


\- Order in this court!

\- You're all thinking it!

  


Order! Order, I say!

  


\- Say it!

\- Mr. Liotta, please sit down!

  


I think it was awfully nice

of that bear to pitch in like that.

  


I think the jury's on our side.

  


Are we doing everything right, legally?

  


I'm a florist.

  


Right. Well, here's to a great team.

  


To a great team!

  


Well, hello.

  


\- Ken!

\- Hello.

  


I didn't think you were coming.

  


No, I was just late.

I tried to call, but... the battery.

  


I didn't want all this to go to waste,

so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free.

  


Oh, that was lucky.

  


There's a little left.

I could heat it up.

  


Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever.

  


So I hear you're quite a tennis player.

  


I'm not much for the game myself.

The ball's a little grabby.

  


That's where I usually sit.

Right... there.

  


Ken, Barry was looking at your resume,

  


and he agreed with me that eating with

chopsticks isn't really a special skill.

  


You think I don't see what you're doing?

  


I know how hard it is to find

the rightjob. We have that in common.

  


Do we?

  


Bees have 100 percent employment,

but we do jobs like taking the crud out.

  


That's just what

I was thinking about doing.

  


Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor

for his fuzz. I hope that was all right.

  


I'm going to drain the old stinger.

  


Yeah, you do that.

  


Look at that.

  


You know, I've just about had it

  


with your little mind games.

  


\- What's that?

\- Italian Vogue.

  


Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages.

  


A lot of ads.

  


Remember what Van said, why is

your life more valuable than mine?

  


Funny, I just can't seem to recall that!

  


I think something stinks in here!

  


I love the smell of flowers.

  


How do you like the smell of flames?!

  


Not as much.

  


Water bug! Not taking sides!

  


Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat!

This is pathetic!

  


I've got issues!

  


Well, well, well, a royal flush!

  


\- You're bluffing.

\- Am I?

  


Surf's up, dude!

  


Poo water!

  


That bowl is gnarly.

  


Except for those dirty yellow rings!

  


Kenneth! What are you doing?!

  


You know, I don't even like honey!

I don't eat it!

  


We need to talk!

  


He's just a little bee!

  


And he happens to be

the nicest bee I've met in a long time!

  


Long time? What are you talking about?!

Are there other bugs in your life?

  


No, but there are other things bugging

me in life. And you're one of them!

  


Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night...

  


My nerves are fried from riding

on this emotional roller coaster!

  


Goodbye, Ken.

  


And for your information,

  


I prefer sugar-free, artificial

sweeteners made by man!

  


I'm sorry about all that.

  


I know it's got

an aftertaste! I like it!

  


I always felt there was some kind

of barrier between Ken and me.

  


I couldn't overcome it.

Oh, well.

  


Are you OK for the trial?

  


I believe Mr. Montgomery

is about out of ideas.

  


We would like to call

Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand.

  


Good idea! You can really see why he's

considered one of the best lawyers...

  


Yeah.

  


Layton, you've

gotta weave some magic

  


with this jury,

or it's gonna be all over.

  


Don't worry. The only thing I have

to do to turn this jury around

  


is to remind them

of what they don't like about bees.

  


\- You got the tweezers?

\- Are you allergic?

  


Only to losing, son. Only to losing.

  


Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you

what I think we'd all like to know.

  


What exactly is your relationship

  


to that woman?

  


We're friends.

  


\- Good friends?

\- Yes.

  


How good? Do you live together?

  


Wait a minute...

  


Are you her little...

  


...bedbug?

  


I've seen a bee documentary or two.

From what I understand,

  


doesn't your queen give birth

to all the bee children?

  


\- Yeah, but...

\- So those aren't your real parents!

  


\- Oh, Barry...

\- Yes, they are!

  


Hold me back!

  


You're an illegitimate bee,

aren't you, Benson?

  


He's denouncing bees!

  


Don't y'all date your cousins?

  


\- Objection!

\- I'm going to pincushion this guy!

  


Adam, don't! It's what he wants!

  


Oh, I'm hit!!

  


Oh, lordy, I am hit!

  


Order! Order!

  


The venom! The venom

is coursing through my veins!

  


I have been felled

by a winged beast of destruction!

  


You see? You can't treat them

like equals! They're striped savages!

  


Stinging's the only thing

they know! It's their way!

  


\- Adam, stay with me.

\- I can't feel my legs.

  


What angel of mercy

will come forward to suck the poison

  


from my heaving buttocks?

  


I will have order in this court. Order!

  


Order, please!

  


The case of the honeybees

versus the human race

  


took a pointed turn against the bees

  


yesterday when one of their legal

team stung Layton T. Montgomery.

  


\- Hey, buddy.

\- Hey.

  


\- Is there much pain?

\- Yeah.

  


I...

  


I blew the whole case, didn't I?

  


It doesn't matter. What matters is

you're alive. You could have died.

  


I'd be better off dead. Look at me.

  


They got it from the cafeteria

downstairs, in a tuna sandwich.

  


Look, there's

a little celery still on it.

  


What was it like to sting someone?

  


I can't explain it. It was all...

  


All adrenaline and then...

and then ecstasy!

  


All right.

  


You think it was all a trap?

  


Of course. I'm sorry.

I flew us right into this.

  


What were we thinking? Look at us. We're

just a couple of bugs in this world.

  


What will the humans do to us

if they win?

  


I don't know.

  


I hear they put the roaches in motels.

That doesn't sound so bad.

  


Adam, they check in,

but they don't check out!

  


Oh, my.

  


Oould you get a nurse

to close that window?

  


\- Why?

\- The smoke.

  


Bees don't smoke.

  


Right. Bees don't smoke.

  


Bees don't smoke!

But some bees are smoking.

  


That's it! That's our case!

  


It is? It's not over?

  


Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere.

  


Get back to the court and stall.

Stall any way you can.

  


And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub.

  


Mr. Flayman.

  


Yes? Yes, Your Honor!

  


Where is the rest of your team?

  


Well, Your Honor, it's interesting.

  


Bees are trained to fly haphazardly,

  


and as a result,

we don't make very good time.

  


I actually heard a funny story about...

  


Your Honor,

haven't these ridiculous bugs

  


taken up enough

of this court's valuable time?

  


How much longer will we allow

these absurd shenanigans to go on?

  


They have presented no compelling

evidence to support their charges

  


against my clients,

who run legitimate businesses.

  


I move for a complete dismissal

of this entire case!

  


Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going

  


to have to consider

Mr. Montgomery's motion.

  


But you can't! We have a terrific case.

  


Where is your proof?

Where is the evidence?

  


Show me the smoking gun!

  


Hold it, Your Honor!

You want a smoking gun?

  


Here is your smoking gun.

  


What is that?

  


It's a bee smoker!

  


What, this?

This harmless little contraption?

  


This couldn't hurt a fly,

let alone a bee.

  


Look at what has happened

  


to bees who have never been asked,

"Smoking or non?"

  


Is this what nature intended for us?

  


To be forcibly addicted

to smoke machines

  


and man-made wooden slat work camps?

  


Living out our lives as honey slaves

to the white man?

  


\- What are we gonna do?

\- He's playing the species card.

  


Ladies and gentlemen, please,

free these bees!

  


Free the bees! Free the bees!

  


Free the bees!

  


Free the bees! Free the bees!

  


The court finds in favor of the bees!

  


Vanessa, we won!

  


I knew you could do it! High-five!

  


Sorry.

  


I'm OK! You know what this means?

  


All the honey

will finally belong to the bees.

  


Now we won't have

to work so hard all the time.

  


This is an unholy perversion

of the balance of nature, Benson.

  


You'll regret this.

  


Barry, how much honey is out there?

  


All right. One at a time.

  


Barry, who are you wearing?

  


My sweater is Ralph Lauren,

and I have no pants.

  


\- What if Montgomery's right?

\- What do you mean?

  


We've been living the bee way

a long time, 27 million years.

  


Oongratulations on your victory.

What will you demand as a settlement?

  


First, we'll demand a complete shutdown

of all bee work camps.

  


Then we want back the honey

that was ours to begin with,

  


every last drop.

  


We demand an end to the glorification

of the bear as anything more

  


than a filthy, smelly,

bad-breath stink machine.

  


We're all aware

of what they do in the woods.

  


Wait for my signal.

  


Take him out.

  


He'll have nauseous

for a few hours, then he'll be fine.

  


And we will no longer tolerate

bee-negative nicknames...

  


But it's just a prance-about stage name!

  


...unnecessary inclusion of honey

in bogus health products

  


and la-dee-da human

tea-time snack garnishments.

  


Oan't breathe.

  


Bring it in, boys!

  


Hold it right there! Good.

  


Tap it.

  


Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups,

and there's gallons more coming!

  


\- I think we need to shut down!

\- Shut down? We've never shut down.

  


Shut down honey production!

  


Stop making honey!

  


Turn your key, sir!

  


What do we do now?

  


Oannonball!

  


We're shutting honey production!

  


Mission abort.

  


Aborting pollination and nectar detail.

Returning to base.

  


Adam, you wouldn't believe

how much honey was out there.

  


Oh, yeah?

  


What's going on? Where is everybody?

  


\- Are they out celebrating?

\- They're home.

  


They don't know what to do.

Laying out, sleeping in.

  


I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way

to San Antonio with a cricket.

  


At least we got our honey back.

  


Sometimes I think, so what if humans

liked our honey? Who wouldn't?

  


It's the greatest thing in the world!

I was excited to be part of making it.

  


This was my new desk. This was my

new job. I wanted to do it really well.

  


And now...

  


Now I can't.

  


I don't understand

why they're not happy.

  


I thought their lives would be better!

  


They're doing nothing. It's amazing.

Honey really changes people.

  


You don't have any idea

what's going on, do you?

  


\- What did you want to show me?

\- This.

  


What happened here?

  


That is not the half of it.

  


Oh, no. Oh, my.

  


They're all wilting.

  


Doesn't look very good, does it?

  


No.

  


And whose fault do you think that is?

  


You know, I'm gonna guess bees.

  


Bees?

  


Specifically, me.

  


I didn't think bees not needing to make

honey would affect all these things.

  


It's notjust flowers.

Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees.

  


That's our whole SAT test right there.

  


Take away produce, that affects

the entire animal kingdom.

  


And then, of course...

  


The human species?

  


So if there's no more pollination,

  


it could all just go south here,

couldn't it?

  


I know this is also partly my fault.

  


How about a suicide pact?

  


How do we do it?

  


\- I'll sting you, you step on me.

\- Thatjust kills you twice.

  


Right, right.

  


Listen, Barry...

sorry, but I gotta get going.

  


I had to open my mouth and talk.

  


Vanessa?

  


Vanessa? Why are you leaving?

Where are you going?

  


To the final Tournament of Roses parade

in Pasadena.

  


They've moved it to this weekend

because all the flowers are dying.

  


It's the last chance

I'll ever have to see it.

  


Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry.

I never meant it to turn out like this.

  


I know. Me neither.

  


Tournament of Roses.

Roses can't do sports.

  


Wait a minute. Roses. Roses?

  


Roses!

  


Vanessa!

  


Roses?!

  


Barry?

  


\- Roses are flowers!

\- Yes, they are.

  


Flowers, bees, pollen!

  


I know.

That's why this is the last parade.

  


Maybe not.

Oould you ask him to slow down?

  


Oould you slow down?

  


Barry!

  


OK, I made a huge mistake.

This is a total disaster, all my fault.

  


Yes, it kind of is.

  


I've ruined the planet.

I wanted to help you

  


with the flower shop.

I've made it worse.

  


Actually, it's completely closed down.

  


I thought maybe you were remodeling.

  


But I have another idea, and it's

greater than my previous ideas combined.

  


I don't want to hear it!

  


All right, they have the roses,

the roses have the pollen.

  


I know every bee, plant

and flower bud in this park.

  


All we gotta do is get what they've got

back here with what we've got.

  


\- Bees.

\- Park.

  


\- Pollen!

\- Flowers.

  


\- Repollination!

\- Across the nation!

  


Tournament of Roses,

Pasadena, Oalifornia.

  


They've got nothing

but flowers, floats and cotton candy.

  


Security will be tight.

  


I have an idea.

  


Vanessa Bloome, FTD.

  


Official floral business. It's real.

  


Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch.

  


Thank you. It was a gift.

  


Once inside,

we just pick the right float.

  


How about The Princess and the Pea?

  


I could be the princess,

and you could be the pea!

  


Yes, I got it.

  


\- Where should I sit?

\- What are you?

  


\- I believe I'm the pea.

\- The pea?

  


It goes under the mattresses.

  


\- Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart.

\- I'm getting the marshal.

  


You do that!

This whole parade is a fiasco!

  


Let's see what this baby'll do.

  


Hey, what are you doing?!

  


Then all we do

is blend in with traffic...

  


...without arousing suspicion.

  


Once at the airport,

there's no stopping us.

  


Stop! Security.

  


\- You and your insect pack your float?

\- Yes.

  


Has it been

in your possession the entire time?

  


Would you remove your shoes?

  


\- Remove your stinger.

\- It's part of me.

  


I know. Just having some fun.

Enjoy your flight.

  


Then if we're lucky, we'll have

just enough pollen to do the job.

  


Oan you believe how lucky we are? We

have just enough pollen to do the job!

  


I think this is gonna work.

  


It's got to work.

  


Attention, passengers,

this is Oaptain Scott.

  


We have a bit of bad weather

in New York.

  


It looks like we'll experience

a couple hours delay.

  


Barry, these are cut flowers

with no water. They'll never make it.

  


I gotta get up there

and talk to them.

  


Be careful.

  


Oan I get help

with the Sky Mall magazine?

  


I'd like to order the talking

inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer.

  


Oaptain, I'm in a real situation.

  


\- What'd you say, Hal?

\- Nothing.

  


Bee!

  


Don't freak out! My entire species...

  


What are you doing?

  


\- Wait a minute! I'm an attorney!

\- Who's an attorney?

  


Don't move.

  


Oh, Barry.

  


Good afternoon, passengers.

This is your captain.

  


Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B

please report to the cockpit?

  


And please hurry!

  


What happened here?

  


There was a DustBuster,

a toupee, a life raft exploded.

  


One's bald, one's in a boat,

they're both unconscious!

  


\- Is that another bee joke?

\- No!

  


No one's flying the plane!

  


This is JFK control tower, Flight 356.

What's your status?

  


This is Vanessa Bloome.

I'm a florist from New York.

  


Where's the pilot?

  


He's unconscious,

and so is the copilot.

  


Not good. Does anyone onboard

have flight experience?

  


As a matter of fact, there is.

  


\- Who's that?

\- Barry Benson.

  


From the honey trial?! Oh, great.

  


Vanessa, this is nothing more

than a big metal bee.

  


It's got giant wings, huge engines.

  


I can't fly a plane.

  


\- Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot?

\- Yes.

  


How hard could it be?

  


Wait, Barry!

We're headed into some lightning.

  


This is Bob Bumble. We have some

late-breaking news from JFK Airport,

  


where a suspenseful scene

is developing.

  


Barry Benson,

fresh from his legal victory...

  


That's Barry!

  


...is attempting to land a plane,

loaded with people, flowers

  


and an incapacitated flight crew.

  


Flowers?!

  


We have a storm in the area

and two individuals at the controls

  


with absolutely no flight experience.

  


Just a minute.

There's a bee on that plane.

  


I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson

and his no-account compadres.

  


They've done enough damage.

  


But isn't he your only hope?

  


Technically, a bee

shouldn't be able to fly at all.

  


Their wings are too small...

  


Haven't we heard this a million times?

  


"The surface area of the wings

and body mass make no sense."

  


\- Get this on the air!

\- Got it.

  


\- Stand by.

\- We're going live.

  


The way we work may be a mystery to you.

  


Making honey takes a lot of bees

doing a lot of small jobs.

  


But let me tell you about a small job.

  


If you do it well,

it makes a big difference.

  


More than we realized.

To us, to everyone.

  


That's why I want to get bees

back to working together.

  


That's the bee way!

We're not made of Jell-O.

  


We get behind a fellow.

  


\- Black and yellow!

\- Hello!

  


Left, right, down, hover.

  


\- Hover?

\- Forget hover.

  


This isn't so hard.

Beep-beep! Beep-beep!

  


Barry, what happened?!

  


Wait, I think we were

on autopilot the whole time.

  


\- That may have been helping me.

\- And now we're not!

  


So it turns out I cannot fly a plane.

  


All of you, let's get

behind this fellow! Move it out!

  


Move out!

  


Our only chance is if I do what I'd do,

you copy me with the wings of the plane!

  


Don't have to yell.

  


I'm not yelling!

We're in a lot of trouble.

  


It's very hard to concentrate

with that panicky tone in your voice!

  


It's not a tone. I'm panicking!

  


I can't do this!

  


Vanessa, pull yourself together.

You have to snap out of it!

  


You snap out of it.

  


You snap out of it.

  


\- You snap out of it!

\- You snap out of it!

  


\- You snap out of it!

\- You snap out of it!

  


\- You snap out of it!

\- You snap out of it!

  


\- Hold it!

\- Why? Oome on, it's my turn.

  


How is the plane flying?

  


I don't know.

  


Hello?

  


Benson, got any flowers

for a happy occasion in there?

  


The Pollen Jocks!

  


They do get behind a fellow.

  


\- Black and yellow.

\- Hello.

  


All right, let's drop this tin can

on the blacktop.

  


Where? I can't see anything. Oan you?

  


No, nothing. It's all cloudy.

  


Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry.

  


\- Thinking bee.

\- Thinking bee.

  


Thinking bee!

Thinking bee! Thinking bee!

  


Wait a minute.

I think I'm feeling something.

  


\- What?

\- I don't know. It's strong, pulling me.

  


Like a 27-million-year-old instinct.

  


Bring the nose down.

  


Thinking bee!

Thinking bee! Thinking bee!

  


\- What in the world is on the tarmac?

\- Get some lights on that!

  


Thinking bee!

Thinking bee! Thinking bee!

  


\- Vanessa, aim for the flower.

\- OK.

  


Out the engines. We're going in

on bee power. Ready, boys?

  


Affirmative!

  


Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it.

  


Land on that flower!

  


Ready? Full reverse!

  


Spin it around!

  


\- Not that flower! The other one!

\- Which one?

  


\- That flower.

\- I'm aiming at the flower!

  


That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt.

I mean the giant pulsating flower

  


made of millions of bees!

  


Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up.

  


Rotate around it.

  


\- This is insane, Barry!

\- This's the only way I know how to fly.

  


Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane

flying in an insect-like pattern?

  


Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid.

Smell it. Full reverse!

  


Just drop it. Be a part of it.

  


Aim for the center!

  


Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman!

  


Oome on, already.

  


Barry, we did it!

You taught me how to fly!

  


\- Yes. No high-five!

\- Right.

  


Barry, it worked!

Did you see the giant flower?

  


What giant flower? Where? Of course

I saw the flower! That was genius!

  


\- Thank you.

\- But we're not done yet.

  


Listen, everyone!

  


This runway is covered

with the last pollen

  


from the last flowers

available anywhere on Earth.

  


That means this is our last chance.

  


We're the only ones who make honey,

pollinate flowers and dress like this.

  


If we're gonna survive as a species,

this is our moment! What do you say?

  


Are we going to be bees, orjust

Museum of Natural History keychains?

  


We're bees!

  


Keychain!

  


Then follow me! Except Keychain.

  


Hold on, Barry. Here.

  


You've earned this.

  


Yeah!

  


I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect

fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves.

  


Oh, yeah.

  


That's our Barry.

  


Mom! The bees are back!

  


If anybody needs

to make a call, now's the time.

  


I got a feeling we'll be

working late tonight!

  


Here's your change. Have a great

afternoon! Oan I help who's next?

  


Would you like some honey with that?

It is bee-approved. Don't forget these.

  


Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me.

And I don't see a nickel!

  


Sometimes I just feel

like a piece of meat!

  


I had no idea.

  


Barry, I'm sorry.

Have you got a moment?

  


Would you excuse me?

My mosquito associate will help you.

  


Sorry I'm late.

  


He's a lawyer too?

  


I was already a blood-sucking parasite.

All I needed was a briefcase.

  


Have a great afternoon!

  


Barry, I just got this huge tulip order,

and I can't get them anywhere.

  


No problem, Vannie.

Just leave it to me.

  


You're a lifesaver, Barry.

Oan I help who's next?

  


All right, scramble, jocks!

It's time to fly.

  


Thank you, Barry!

  


That bee is living my life!

  


Let it go, Kenny.

  


\- When will this nightmare end?!

\- Let it all go.

  


\- Beautiful day to fly.

\- Sure is.

  


Between you and me,

I was dying to get out of that office.

  


You have got

to start thinking bee, my friend.

  


\- Thinking bee!

\- Me?

  


Hold it. Let's just stop

for a second. Hold it.

  


I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone.

Oan we stop here?

  


I'm not making a major life decision

during a production number!

  


All right. Take ten, everybody.

Wrap it up, guys.

  


I had virtually no rehearsal for that.

  
**_Akaashi_** : god is dead. god has been dead for a long, long time.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY BDAY YAHABA N MATTSUN as im posting this its 20 mins to midnight lmao
> 
> fun fact the bee movie script made the doc i was writing this on go from 38 pages to 140 pages n my laptop was lagging so bad i had to make a NEW doc for the bee movie and add it in as im putting the text in ao3
> 
> yes im going to project my friend issues onto atsumu and my mommy issues onto futakuchi as well as my other problems onto LITERALLY everyone else


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akaashi: for the love of GOD you are so damn mentally ill
> 
> Ennoshita: im gonna bite your ankles off next time i see you keiji :D
> 
> Akaashi: bold of you to assume im real chikara :D
> 
> Kozume: what the fuck does that mean
> 
> Kozume: akaashi what does that mean
> 
> Akaashi: thats for me to know and you to find out, bitchboy

**_we’re better than our senpais_ **

**_11:18pm_ **

  
  


**_Terushima:_ ** hey my bestie shawty baes

**_Yahaba_ ** : ew

**_Terushima_ ** : fucking rude

**_Terushima_ ** : anyways we should play truth or dare

**_Yahaba_ ** :.....thats not really a bad idea

**_Terushima_ ** : thank you!

**_Kozume_ ** : ew

**_Terushima_ ** :  **_@everyone_ ** were playing no debates

**_Futakuchi:_ ** k swag you go first

**_Terushima_ ** : kenma truth or dare

**_Kozume_ ** :..... truth?

**_Terushima_ ** : whats the biggest secret you've kept from your family

**_Kozume_ ** : idk the fact that im bi? i dont really hide things from them but i'm not out yet

**_Kozume_ ** : ennoshita?

**_Ennoshita_ ** : dare

**_Kozume_ ** : record yourself eating peanut butter and send it to us

**_Ennoshita_ ** : i'm allergic so no?

**_Kozume_ ** : shit okay just eat regular butter 

**_Ennoshita_ ** : sent a video

**_Ennoshita_ ** : i fucking hate you for this

**_Ennoshita:_ ** also terushima truth or dare

**_Akaashi_ ** : kenma wtf is wrong with you thats gross

**_Shirabu_ ** : YOUR FACE HAHAHAJ

**_Terushima_ ** : PLSSLKSJ also dare

**_Ennoshita_ ** : do a cartwheel. on the roof

**_Futakuchi_ ** : bitch gonna die

**_Terushima_ ** : sent a video

**_Terushima_ ** : i lived, bitch

**_Terushima_ ** : yahabababababaabaabaababababa

**_Shirabu_ ** : jesus christ 

**_Yahaba_ ** : truth

**_Terushima_ ** : whats the contact name of the last person you texted

**_Yahaba_ ** : …. its a group chat called ‘three fags in a pea pod’

**_Terushima_ ** : OH MY GODJBSBJKB

**_Shirabu_ ** : WHAT THES FUKC

**_Kozume_ ** : IM DFUCKING LOSUONG IT????

**_Yamamoto_ ** : NO LIKE IM IN THE SAME ROORM AS THEM ITS SO FUNNY

**_Ennoshita_ ** : do we get context

**_Yahaba_ ** : no yamamoto t or d

**_Futakuchi_ ** : titty or dick

**_Shirabu_ ** : fucking die

**_Yamamoto_ ** : truth

**_Yahaba_ ** : whats your favorite team story

**_Kozume_ ** : why is tamahiko so much nicer than shohei

**_Yamamoto_ ** : thank you kenma now im gonna tell the cat story

**_Akaashi_ ** : shohei is a sweetheart kenma youre just a bitch /lh

**_Kozume_ ** : i hate you /j

**_Yamamoto:_ ** anyways

**_Yamamoto:_ ** so kuroo-san was late to morning practice right? anyways kai and yaku-san led practice til he got there but when he showed up he had?? 10 kittens?? and so we were all like ‘what the actual fuck’ and he told us he found them in a walmart parking lot and since he couldnt take care of them all he told us to pick a cat and we all did THEN he put everyones name in a hat and made us pick so now all ten of us from last year have cats named after our teammates

**_Futakuchi_ ** : who got who

**_Yamamoto_ ** : all the cats are named by everyone given names but anyways kenma got fukunaga, i got teshiro, fukunaga got lev, shibayama got kuroo-san, kuroo-san got yaku-san, yaku-san got shibayama, lev got inuoka, inuoka got kai, kai got me and teshiro got kenma

**_Ennoshita:_ ** where are my goddamn cat pictures 

**_Ennoshita_ ** : i want some fucking cat pictures

**_Yamamoto_ ** : maybe

**_Ennoshita:_ ** please,,,,please give me cat pictures i will cry

**_Yamamoto_ ** : yeah okay ill send you the cat pictures

-

**_we’re better than our senpais_ **

**_6:22am_ **

**_Futakuchi_ ** : why is sakunami fucking. fucking chugging coffee

**_Kozume_ ** : emotionally i am sakunami

**_Futakuchi_ ** : i can't deal with two of you oh no

**_Ennoshita_ ** : isnt sakunami an angel

**_Futakuchi_ ** : well yes

**_Futakuchi_ ** : but they have been banned from 3 different convenience stores, tried to practice on koganegawas shoulders, and almost got kicked out of school because they fist fought someone

**_Futakuchi_ ** : granted it was only because they got called a slur but

**_Kozume_ ** : emotionally i am sakunami

  
  


-

**_we’re better than our senpais_ **

**_11:00am_ **

**_Yahaba_** : [_file attached_](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fi.redd.it%2F6tfldttvkvc51.jpg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.reddit.com%2Fr%2FNonBinary%2Fcomments%2Fhxaqbn%2Fneed_a_coming_out_meme_look_no_further%2F&tbnid=TnzdVA1f0K1P2M&vet=12ahUKEwjkk8HVv5fvAhVqvFkKHX2fDR0QMygIegUIARCwAQ..i&docid=jLdHFcUA61Hk8M&w=1280&h=720&q=coming%20out%20meme%20enby&safe=strict&ved=2ahUKEwjkk8HVv5fvAhVqvFkKHX2fDR0QMygIegUIARCwAQ) /srs

**_Atsumu_ ** : vibey

**_Shirabu_ ** : so did your pronouns change or 

**_Yahaba_ ** : they/them

**_Akaashi_ ** : twins

**_Yahaba:_ ** wish me luck i'm going to tell my bfs

**_Akaashi_ ** : luck /gen

-

**_we’re better than our senpais_ **

**_3:38pm_ **

**_Akaashi_ ** : futakuchi be like: least favorite only child by leanna firestone

**_Futakuchi_ ** : link????

**_Akaashi_ ** :  [ _ file attached _ ](https://youtu.be/bX04RmWGY_Q)

**_Futakuchi_ ** : brb gonna go listen to it

**_-_ **

  
  


**_we’re better than our senpais_ **

**_4:42pm_ **

  
  


**_Futakuchi_ ** : hi i just finished sobbing

**_Terushima_ ** : pfft

-

**_we’re better than our senpais_ **

**_7:47pm_ **

****

**_Ennoshita_ ** : anyways i still think that kenma should send this to yamamoto

**_Ennoshita_ ** :  [ _ file attached _ ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fi.ytimg.com%2Fvi%2F8HSovXY-ecE%2Fhqdefault.jpg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D8HSovXY-ecE&tbnid=vfSrQXUXV8s1aM&vet=12ahUKEwj4gOXWxJnvAhUJrVkKHV_ODnUQMygBegUIARCmAQ..i&docid=C21t_PH9I5618M&w=480&h=360&q=this%20isn%27t%20a%20meme%20i%20have%20a%20crush%20on%20you&safe=strict&ved=2ahUKEwj4gOXWxJnvAhUJrVkKHV_ODnUQMygBegUIARCmAQ)

**_Akaashi_ ** : oh my fucking god

**_Ennoshita_ ** : ikr

**_Ennoshita_ ** : wait

**_Ennoshita:_ ** NO ONE OPEN THATBJSS   
  


**_Akaashi_ ** : CHIKARA   
  
**_Ennoshita_ ** : IM SORRY

**_Futakuchi_ ** : HAHAHHAJG ENNO YOU DONE FUCKED UP   
  


**_Ennoshita_ ** : STOP MOCKING ME MOMMY ISSUES MAN   
  


**_Terushima_ ** changed  **_Futakuchis_ ** name to **_mommy issues man_ **

**_mommy issues man_ ** : biphobia

**_Kozume_ ** : ennoshita

**_Yamamoto_ ** : me @ kenma:  [ _ file attached _ ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fi.ytimg.com%2Fvi%2F8HSovXY-ecE%2Fhqdefault.jpg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D8HSovXY-ecE&tbnid=vfSrQXUXV8s1aM&vet=12ahUKEwj4gOXWxJnvAhUJrVkKHV_ODnUQMygBegUIARCmAQ..i&docid=C21t_PH9I5618M&w=480&h=360&q=this%20isn%27t%20a%20meme%20i%20have%20a%20crush%20on%20you&safe=strict&ved=2ahUKEwj4gOXWxJnvAhUJrVkKHV_ODnUQMygBegUIARCmAQ)

**_Akaashi_ ** : NO FUCKING WAY   
  


**_Ennoshita_ ** : IM GETTING MONEY OUT OF THIS HOLD ON

**_Yahaba_ ** : WHY ARE WE BEING SO L OUD   
  
**_Yahaba_ ** : OH TEA YOU TELL EM YAMAMOTO

**_Shirabu_ ** : OH MY GOD   
  


**_Kozume_ ** : TORA THATS NOT FUNNY

**_Yamamoto:_ ** WHY IS IT FUNNY 

**_Kozume_ ** : BECAUSE UR JOKING ABOUT THE FACT THAT I LIKE YOU???

**_Yamamoto_ ** : WHO SAID I WAS JOKING

**_Kozume_ ** : WAIT UR NOT???   
  


**_Yamamoto:_ ** NO IM NOT I ACTUALLY REALLY LIKE YOU

  
  
**_Kozume:_ ** DO YOU WANNA GO OUT WITH ME

**_Yamamoto_ ** : YEAH I REALLY WANNA GO OUT WITH YOU   


**_Akaashi:_ ** holy

**_mommy issues man_ ** : OH MY FUCKIN GOD

**_Ennoshita_ ** : HOLY SHIT    
  


**_Kozume_ ** : hhgduhgshjew

**_Yamamoto_ ** : that happened um

**_Yamamoto_ ** : kenma im coming over

**_Kozume_ ** : yeah cool cool swag

-

**_we’re better than our senpais_ **

**_11:15pm_ **

**_Ennoshita_ ** : Come rest your bones next to me

And toss all your thoughts to the sea

I'll pull up each of our anchors

So we can get lost, you and me

My heart is buried in Venice

Hidden beneath all my worries and doubts

My heart is buried in Venice

Waiting for someone to take it home

Even when you try to hide it

A smile creeps out from your teeth

I never thought that I would have to say I'm sorry

For anyone but me

Now my heart is buried in Venice

Waiting for someone to take it home

Say, say what you mean

Tell me the truth or tell me you're through

Don't leave me to breathe

Don't leave me to bleed

For someone who chose to leave me be

My heart is buried in Venice

Waitin' for someone to take it

Home

**_Terushima_ ** : are you okay

**_Ennoshita_ ** : what the fuck do you think

-

  
  


**_we’re better than our senpais_ **

**_2:42am_ **

**_mommy issues man_ ** : why doesn't my mom love me

**_Yahaba_ ** : ill be ur mom

**_mommy issues man_ ** : will you actually love me

**_Yahaba_ ** : yeah now go mow the fucking lawn

  
  


-

**_we’re better than our senpais_ **

**_6:22am_ **

**_Kozume_ ** : tora whatever you do dont go into the locker rooms 

**_Yamamoto_ ** : oh?

**_Kozume_ ** : the second years are making out 

**_Yamamoto_ ** : theres four of them?

**_Kozume_ ** : did i mcfucking stutter

  
  


-

**_we’re better than our senpais_ **

**_12:01pm_ **

**_Atsumu_ ** : it's too early to deal with my brothers bullshit

**_Shirabu_ ** : its past noon??

**_Atsumu:_ ** its too early to deal with my brothers bullshit

**_Atsumu_ ** : fuck this im leaving

-

  
  


**_we’re better than our senpais_ **

**_4:23pm_ **

**_Ennoshita:_ ** **_@everyone_ ** im staging a goddamn intervention

**_Ennoshita_ ** : you guys are so fucked up we need a group therapy session

**_Terushima_ ** : can i be exempt

**_Ennoshita_ ** : no you're just as mentally ill as the rest of us

**_Akaashi_ ** : 

**_Ennoshita_ ** : great input keiji lets start with you!!

**_Akaashi_ ** : what in the eyes of god did i do to deserve this

**_Ennoshita_ ** : why the FUCK do you keep sending us mitski lyrics at unholy hours in the night

**_Akaashi_ ** : you do it too! yahaba does it! even fucking shirabu does!

**_Shirabu_ ** : i send song lyrics because i miss my girlfriend, not because im a pining bitch

**_Yahaba_ ** : keep my name out of your mouth whore /lh

**_Kozume_ ** : maybe if akaashi just confessed

**_Akaashi_ ** : oh like you did?

**_Kozume_ ** :  What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.

**_Ennoshita:_ ** JESUS FUCKING CHRIST OKAY MOVING ON FROM AKAASHI

**_Ennoshita_ ** : futakuchi are you like good actually

**_mommy issues man:_ ** nickname

**_mommy issues man_ ** : no but like idk what i did my mom fucking hates me

**_Ennoshita_ ** :  [ _ file attached _ ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fpbs.twimg.com%2Fmedia%2FDvPLXeVUYAIuNZR.jpg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Ftwitter.com%2Fnocontxtmulaney%2Fstatus%2F1077428355337576448&tbnid=ZHajpHxIPYyHFM&vet=12ahUKEwjfwuLVxabvAhVws1kKHS0tA5wQMygAegUIARCWAQ..i&docid=Bhlh0jyk8BmqdM&w=1200&h=675&q=now%20we%20don%27t%20have%20time%20to%20unpack&safe=strict&ved=2ahUKEwjfwuLVxabvAhVws1kKHS0tA5wQMygAegUIARCWAQ)

**_Ennoshita_ ** : im so sorry 

**_mommy issues man:_ ** HUEOHJNSJN DONT BE 

**_Ennoshita_ ** : okay but like are you physically safe n stuff or

**_mommy issues man_ ** : oh yeah im fine im moving out like right after graduation anyways

**_Ennoshita_ ** : ok cool cool swag atsumu its ur turn

**_Atsumu_ ** : im in love with a man i see once a month, my brother and i have been fighting since november and all my friends aside from yall hate me

**_Ennoshita_ ** : oh we're making progress!

**_Atsumu_ ** : :D

**_Terushima_ ** : id die for you no hesitation

**_Ennoshita_ ** : okay so moving on

**_Shirabu_ ** : because thats how actual therapy works /lh

**_Ennoshita_ ** : eh im just doing what i remember from my mom

**_Yahaba:_ ** couldnt you ask her about this

**_Ennoshita_ ** : shes been dead for 11 years but yeah sure /lh

**_Yahaba_ ** : OH MY GOD IM SO SORRY

**_Ennoshita_ ** : sjjsasjhask dont she sucked anyways

**_Ennoshita_ ** : kenma??

**_Kozume_ ** : so im getting Real Actual therapy but my anxiety is Not It and i didnt go to school the other day because i missed kuro to much

**_Akaashi_ ** : check ur porch 

**_Ennoshita_ ** : yamamoto?

**_Yamamoto_ ** : in terms of dad i do not have that

**_Yamamoto_ ** : also yall can call me tora 

**_Kozume_ ** : no they cant that name is trademarked by me

**_Kozume_ ** : also akaashi ??? why did you telldnjsbnjksbmd 

**_Shirabu_ ** : what

**_Yahaba_ ** : akaashi fucking sniped them

**_Kozume_ ** : KURO FUCKING TACKLED ME 

**_Ennoshita_ ** : okay so uh shirabu

**_Shirabu_ ** : currently having a sexuality crisis plus i fucking miss my s/o

**_Shirabu_ ** : might fuck around and stop labling myself

**_Ennoshita_ ** : you do that! yahaba?

**_Yahaba_ ** :  [ _ file attached _ ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fi.pinimg.com%2Foriginals%2F7b%2F05%2Fee%2F7b05ee10d2f0c3b9bdc356320d443a25.jpg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.pinterest.com%2Fpin%2F847169379901531558%2F&tbnid=r5AI_L15y1PQRM&vet=12ahUKEwjwgoS3vKjvAhUPGlkKHYnBDHcQMygEegUIARCfAQ..i&docid=tId8W-kqTUptvM&w=828&h=537&itg=1&q=can%27t%20do%20math%20edited%20facebook%20meme&safe=strict&ved=2ahUKEwjwgoS3vKjvAhUPGlkKHYnBDH)

**_Atsumu_ ** : ME

**_Ennoshita:_ ** last but not least terushima

**_Terushima_ ** : my parents took me off adhd meds and i Cant Deal 

**_Ennoshita_ ** : great session everyone!! ill be back this time next week

**_Akaashi_ ** : oh no you dont

**_Ennoshita_ ** : ????

**_Akaashi_ ** : for the love of GOD you are so damn mentally ill

**_Ennoshita_ ** : im gonna bite your ankles off next time i see you keiji :D   
  


**_Akaashi_ ** : bold of you to assume im real chikara :D

**_Kozume_ ** : what the fuck does that mean

**_Kozume_ ** : akaashi what does that mean

**_Akaashi_ ** : thats for me to know and you to find out, bitchboy

-

**_we’re better than our senpais_ **

**_7:23pm_ **

**_mommy issues man_ ** : Mom, I'm tired

Can I sleep in your house tonight?

Mom, is it alright

If I stay for a year or two?

Mom, I'll be quiet

It would be just to sleep at night

And I'll leave once I figure out

How to pay for my own life too

Mom, would you wash my back?

This once, and then we can forget

And I'll leave what I'm chasing

For the other girls to pursue

Mom, am I still young?

Can I dream for a few months more?

**_mommy issues man_ ** : huh that actually helped

-

  
  


**_we’re better than our senpais_ **

**_2:13am_ **

**_Kozume_ ** : HOW THE FUCK DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY SLEEP WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND???

**_Kozume_ ** : KUROO TETSUROU YOU BETTER FUCKING ANSWER ME

  
  
**_Kozume_ ** : WAIT WRONG CHAT IGNORE THAT   
  


**_Akaashi_ ** : WHAT

**_Terushima_ ** : i am. wide awkwae

**_Yamamoto_ ** : what the f u c k

**_Kozume_ ** : kuro fucking slept with yaku on ‘accident’ 

**_Akaashi_ ** : jesus christ

**_Atsumu_ ** : sounds eventful!

-

**_we’re better than our senpais_ **

**_4:20am_ **

**_Atsumu_ ** : blaze it (again)

**_Atsumu_ ** : this time im giving you songs on the mental illness playlists

**_Atsumu_** : terushima: everywhere i go - hollywood undead ( [_file attached_](https://youtu.be/hjUYRmqwRNI) )

**_Atsumu_ ** : akaashi: a pearl - mitski (  [ _ file attached _ ](https://youtu.be/_lYA3i3QkWM) _ ) _

**_Atsumu_ ** : yahaba: chasing pavements - adele (  [ _ file attache _ d ](https://youtu.be/WSq2jQjzcMg) )

**_Atsumu_** : shirabu: 505 - arctic monkeys ( [_file attached_](https://youtu.be/iV5VKdcQOJE) _)_

__

**_Atsumu_ ** : futakuchi: least favorite only child - leanna firestone (  [ _ file attached _ ](https://youtu.be/bX04RmWGY_Q) _ ) _

**_Atsumu_ ** : kenma: get used to it - ricky montgomery (  [ _ file attached _ ](https://youtu.be/F9KzxESmhHQ) ) 

**_Atsumu_ ** : ennoshita: ill die anyway - girl in red (  [ _ file attached _ ](https://youtu.be/mce4_VEtel4) _ ) _

**_Atsumu:_ ** tora: last night - ricky montgomery (  [ _ file attached _ ](https://youtu.be/-FrcXuMnVe8) _ ) _

**_Atsumu_ ** : i wanted to give akaashi mr loverman but a pearl works better

**_Yahaba_ ** : YOU LITERALLY NEVER MISS WITH THESE   
  


**_Kozume_ ** : bfs who have the same artist <333

**_Yamamoto_ ** : softie

**_Kozume_ ** : wanna make out

**_Ennoshita_ ** : no like that called me out

**_Akaashi_ ** : how did you know i was aggressively sobbing to a pearl 10 minutes ago

**_Terushima_ ** : HEL)PS

**_Yamamoto_ ** : so first of all kenma you read my mind

**_Yamamoto_ ** : second of all aTSUMU STOP CALLING ME OUT TYVM

**_Akaashi_ ** : please leave your horny at the door its 4am

**_Kozume_ ** : the horny never dies

**_mommy issues man_ ** : lfoc caused all my mental illnesses

**_Terushima_ ** : atsumu: looking out for you - joy again (  [ _ file attached _ ](https://youtu.be/FxEOUzdpieU) _ ) _

**_Atsumu_ ** : get the fuck out

**_mommy issues man:_ ** LMADFOFOOFOFO

**_Shirabu_ ** : pls stop calling me out thx 

**_Atsumu_ ** : never bby <3

**_Shirabu_ ** :  [ _ file attached _ ](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fi.kym-cdn.com%2Fphotos%2Fimages%2Ffacebook%2F001%2F321%2F388%2F63e.jpg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fknowyourmeme.com%2Fphotos%2F1321388-kermit-the-frog&tbnid=DdMMucmLTs-HLM&vet=12ahUKEwjfiIej_ajvAhUKx1kKHTC4AmoQMygAegUIARCpAQ..i&docid=yPaF0Ac7p23scM&w=640&h=640&q=choking%20kermit%20meme&safe=strict&ved=2ahUKEwjfiIej_ajvAhUKx1kKHTC4AmoQMygAegUIARCpAQ)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this started off as two different chapters but i just made them into one long chapter hjhsjha
> 
> toraken rights !! kuroyaku rights too !!!

**Author's Note:**

> hello! this is my first ao3 work ever but not my first fic B) anyways formatting this was hell and im not 100% if the links will work so very sorry if they dont lmao


End file.
